Parenting rituals: What are they and do I need one?

Lately, it seems everyone is talking about ‘rituals’ - whether in the context of self-care, wellness, skincare, or even parenting.

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Are you wondering what all the fuss is about? What exactly is a parenting ritual, why do people embrace it, and most importantly – could you benefit from one?

The Cambridge Dictionary offers two definitions of the word ritual:

1. A way of doing something in which the same actions are done in the same way every time.
   Coffee and the newspaper are part of my morning ritual.
   The birds were performing a complex mating ritual.

2. A fixed set of actions and words, especially as part of a religious ceremony.
   This part of the ceremony is nothing more than a formal ritual.
   The sacred Islamic ritual of washing the dead.

For this discussion, I’ll focus on the first definition. In today’s world, a ritual often refers to an activity individuals choose to engage in regularly—something with a predictable sequence that provides a specific experience, whether physical, sensory, or emotional.

While this may sound a bit woo-woo to some, I’ve personally found that incorporating rituals into my day or week has been an invaluable way to find calm, particularly since becoming a parent.

 

Parenthood: A beautiful chaos

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If we take a bird’s-eye view of a parent’s typical day, it often resembles a chaotic orchestra of bodies, limbs, B Box drink bottles, and emotions. 

Aside from meals (or spontaneous snacks) and naps, there’s little linear structure. Children have an extraordinary ability to pull us – physically and emotionally – in countless directions, often without rhyme or reason. One minute they’re laughing, the next they’re crying. Then they’re hurt, stuck, or hiding, before coming in for a cuddle or launching into an endless stream of questions: “But why, Mum? But why, Dad?”

Even though parents somehow manage to make it from dawn to dusk – perhaps 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., or whatever hours your kids keep – you’re often left feeling frazzled by day’s end. Physically worn out, mentally drained, and possibly still unshowered, you might find yourself yearning for a quiet meal or a bathroom break in solitude.

This relentless exhaustion can take a toll, especially when it repeats day after day.

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Enter the ritual

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This is where rituals can be a lifesaver. In the context of parenting, a ritual is a small practice that allows you to regain composure, find your footing, and indulge in a moment of meaningful me time.

The key word here is moment. A ritual doesn’t need to be a two-hour massage, a weekend getaway, or an elaborate 12-step skincare routine. It doesn’t have to involve leaving the house, spending money, or meditating by a babbling brook.

A ritual is simply something that feels enjoyable, safe, and accessible. It’s a moment to drown out the noise of life’s demands, find joy in the present, and reconnect with the part of yourself that says: I am here. I am alive. I am a parent, but I am also still me. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, a ritual can offer a cherished pause in your day.

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Finding your ritual

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Discovering what rituals work for you can take some trial and error. I’ve experimented with a few and learned that rituals aren’t something you can copy from social media trends or other people’s routines. They’re only truly meaningful when they’re deeply personal.

Some of my rituals

1. Lighting incense
   I light incense daily (Gentle Habits is my favourite brand). The soothing scent helps me feel grounded and allows my mind to wander briefly, reminding me that I can still enjoy small pleasures even amidst the chaos of family life.
2. Saturday market mornings
   My husband, two boys, and I head to the local markets every Saturday morning. We shop for groceries, drink coffee, eat croissants, and enjoy the fresh air together. Rain, hail, or shine, it’s been our ritual for over two years – and I cherish it deeply.
3. Fresh pillow slips
   I change my pillowcase every 2 – 3 nights. While it adds to the laundry pile, there’s something about a fresh pillow slip that feels indulgent and helps me sink into a more restful sleep.
4. Reading print media
   Whether it’s newspapers, books, or magazines, reading words on paper brings me a stillness and joy that digital media can’t replicate. It’s a shrinking habit in today’s world, but one that soothes me deeply.

None of these rituals are extravagant, but they bring mindfulness, clarity, and calm to my life. They’re simple yet meaningful, and they make a big difference.

Why parents need rituals

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Parents today are more time-poor, overstimulated, and digitally bombarded than ever. From managing endless multitasking to navigating TikTok trends (and let’s not even start on AI!), it’s a lot to handle.

Rituals provide a mechanism to tap out – to find your footing, rediscover yourself, and feel present again.

Crafting your own rituals

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If you’re unsure where to start, don’t feel disheartened. Rituals don’t have to be grand or obvious. They just need to work for you. Look at your lifestyle and community, and think about what might fit seamlessly into your day. Even a small change can bring a big sense of joy.

Some ideas to inspire you:

• Add a skincare step, like a serum, that feels indulgent.
• Sip warm lemon water each morning for a gentle start to your day.
• Wake up 15 minutes earlier to enjoy a coffee in peace.
• Take 10 deep belly breaths before bed.
• Share a glass of wine with your partner while chatting about the highs and lows of your day.
• Play your favourite song in the car before letting the kids pick the playlist.
• Make one tweak to your daily routine that brings you joy.

A ritual should never feel stressful or rushed. It’s about simplicity, ease, and, most importantly, you.

The takeaway

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Rituals aren’t essential for everyone, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or a little lost in the chaos of parenthood, they can be a game-changer. Invite one into your life – find joy in it, cherish it, and hold onto it. Then do it again. And again.

Your children’s happiest parent is the one who takes time to care for themselves.