What does giving birth actually feel like?
It's the mother of all questions: What does it actually feel like to give birth and push a baby out of your vagina?
The short answer? There is no way to predict how giving birth to babies will play out until it’s actually game time. So, there’s not a clear way to measure labour pain.
But what we do know for sure is that no two births are identical. However you deliver your child into the world – whether that’s vaginal birth, a c-section birth, a birth with an epidural, a birth without an epidural, a birth with instruments, a water birth, a birth with a throwbacks playlist for comfort – we salute you.
Every person will describe giving birth to babies differently – some say it’s the most excruciating pain, others say they barely batted an eye. There’s no accurate way to measure pain during labour and delivery, but keep reading as we explore the spectrum of the most mind-blowing act known to humankind.
The physical process of pushing
How the body prepares for pushing
Hormonal changes
Think of your hormones as backstage crew, pushing out all the props for the show. Here, they’re mainly pumping out oxytocin, the love hormone (and trust us, you’ll need plenty of love in the room!)
This lovely hormone (pun intended) helps your uterus contract and keeps things moving along, (trying) to make your labour as smooth as possible. Then there’s adrenaline, kicking in to give you that big surge of energy – that’s when the urge to push takes centre stage. Your body knows you’ve got this, all that’s left is to convince your brain.
Physical signs and symptoms
Then the physical symptoms start to make some noise. You might feel like you’re carrying around a bowling ball between your legs (thanks, baby’s head). Your cervix is getting in on the action, too, thinning and opening up – a cry for help to get this bowling ball out through your birth canal.
Braxton Hicks contractions are also in tow here. It’s all part of the grand entrance your little one is about to make.
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Techniques and positions for effective pushing
Guided pushing vs. natural urge to push
Some mamas swear by guided pushing – where your doctor or midwife coaches you through each push. On the flip side, there’s the natural urge to push – your body’s primal instinct to bear down when your little one’s ready. We like to call this one ‘autopilot’ – baby’s in control now.
Either way, trust your gut (literally) and go with what feels right for you.
Optimal positions (e.g. squatting, side-lying)
Forget what you’ve seen in the movies – there’s no one-size-fits-all position for pushing out a baby.
Squatting might be your jam, using gravity to your advantage and getting that baby moving south. Or maybe you’re most comfortable in the side-lying position.
The truth is, any and all positions will get the job done. Experiment with what feels good during those practice runs (aka Braxton Hicks), and when the time comes, do what feels comfortable and natural to you.
How much pain is actually involved in pushing a baby out?
This will be dependent on a whole range of factors – including your own personal pain threshold, whether or not you have an epidural, whether or not you tear, the degree of the tear, and the size of your birth canal vs. the size of your baby.
No two births are the same, and if you are concerned about labour pain during your delivery, speak to your midwife or obstetrician ahead of time to discuss your pain main management game plan.
Keep in mind that there is no definitive way to measure labour pain, and everyone’s birth experience is completely different.
How long does it take to push a baby out?
How long is a piece of string? We wish there was an average number we could commit to, but again, the act of pushing varies greatly for every individual.
If you’re a first-time mama, the delivery of bub can take anywhere from 30 minutes to three hours from when you start pushing (yep, they don’t call it labour for nothing!).
This pushing stage begins from the very moment you feel that natural, overwhelming urge to push – and when you get to full dilation (10 cm). Some women can get an early urge to push when not filly dilated, usually related to baby’s position.
The good news is subsequent labours are typically much quicker – many women can push for as short as thirty minutes.
And although you may wish you could stop pushing when your labour is dragging on, as soon as you see the baby’s head begin to emerge and realise what you’re working for, you’ll take a deep breath, start to push harder and deliver your baby.
What does pushing out a baby feel like?
When it’s finally time to push, that moment can be extremely exciting, terrifying, exhausting and overwhelming all at once – especially if your labour has already been going on for several hours or even days.
As we mentioned before, the pushing phase of labour will vary for each person. The main sensations you may feel when in active labour are:
- More intense and visible contractions with your uterus rising as each one occurs
- An overwhelming desire to push (however, not everyone will feel this if they have had an epidural)
- Extreme pressure in your rectum and the urge to do a poo (don’t worry, that’s just the pressure of your baby’s body)
- The baby’s head moving down your birth canal
- A burning, stretching and tingling sensation in your vagina as your baby’s head crowns
- A wet, slippery and heavy feeling as your baby pops their head out to the big wide world 👋
During this stage of labour, be guided by your body, your own breathing techniques, and your gut instinct. Listen to the medical professionals in the room, including your midwife or obstetrician, who will tell you exactly how and when to push in rhythm with your contractions.
In their own words: Women describe what pushing a baby out feels like
As you prepare to give birth, your mind is probably racing with a million different questions. Does it feel good to push your baby out? What do contractions feel like? Can you feel their body parts touch your insides? What does it feel like to push the placenta out?
These are all valid questions, so let’s put it to the people who have lived experience giving birth to find out. We here at Kiindred put an anonymous call out to our audience, and here’s what they came back with!
“You know when you were a kid, and your friend would do a burn on your arm and twist the skin? It feels like that, but down there. Ring of fire is also accurate. Your vulva feels stretched, tingly and hot once the baby’s head begins to push out. Once the pushing started, I felt less pain. I wonder if it was the brain overriding the pain because you know the end is near? I underestimated the act and feeling of ‘bearing down’. Rather than exhaling out, you exhale internally to push the baby down. I thought it was just a woo-woo exercise I learnt from hypnobirthing, but it’s a legit thing and made a big difference to me. Oh, and then the midwife asks you to ‘stop and hold’; that’s the weirdest bit. Holding your baby without pushing (even though you want to) is probably the most challenging part. It feels like you have this ball halfway down your birth canal, and you just have to inhale and exhale through it. It’s weird.”
“Because I had an epidural, the ‘vaginal’ aspect of it was far less prominent than what I imagined. I had imagined the ‘burning watermelon’ and the sitting on the barbed wire’ feeling people talk about, but my experience was much more about the sheer physical exertion of pushing in rhythm with contractions. The pushing itself was by far the greatest physical feat of my life. My face was covered in broken capillaries, and my eyes were completely bloodshot from it. Anything ‘vaginal’ per se was a blip on the radar.”
“Contractions wash over your entire body and mind in waves like being slapped by a thousand rubber bands. Then it’s pushing, stinging, tingling, crowning, buuuuurning, intense pressure and stretching. Once you’ve pushed the head out and you can feel your baby just there between your legs, it’s the weirdest feeling. It’s also so emotional that you’re consumed by the pain, but at the same time, you feel powerful, and the anticipation of getting closer to meeting that little person with each push helps keep you going. Then once the baby is out, you’re exhausted, and you think it’s over, but then you have to go start pushing all over again to push the placenta out.”
“I had an epidural that worked, so I didn’t feel a thing. I don’t even remember feeling the pressure as her head came out. The main sensation was my tummy tightening with contractions. They used a vacuum to get her out and I also had an episiotomy but again, I didn’t feel anything thanks to the epi.”
“Those hours of pre-epidural labour felt like a Demogorgon was taking over my body. Once the epi hit, I felt INSTANT relief and contrary to popular belief, the epi sped up my labour. I relaxed, went with it and progressed quickly. Throw in an hour-and-a-half of pushing, an instrumental delivery and an episiotomy. I couldn’t have been more pleased to have the epi on my side. During the vast majority of the pushing, I couldn’t feel anything. I could have had a cup of tea at the same time! Same deal for when they used the vacuum, still nothing. When they used the forceps, there was a little tugging/rotation feel.. similar to pulling out an uncomfortable tampon (IYKYK)E. Episiotomy, zero feeling. Stitches, zero. I didn’t even know I was pushing the placenta out. I think that happened when the baby was on my chest.”
“I could literally feel his hands coming out of my vagina.”
“Have you heard of the saying it’s similar to pulling a watermelon out of your nose? Well, it’s like that, except instead of your nose, it’s your lady bits, and to up the ante, it’s in front of a crowd of people you have never seen before whilst you are in the most incredible pain E V E R #stillnotoveritfiveyearslater #whatpelvicfloor.”
Recovery and healing
Physical recovery tips
Firstly, take it slow and steady. Your body just did something incredible, so give it the TLC it deserves.
Start with gentle exercises to help your muscles regain their strength. Think pelvic floor squeezes and calm, light walks around the block. Don’t forget to stay hydrated and put a nutrient-filled diet in place to fuel your recovery (yes, chocolate counts).
Don’t be shy about using those ice packs and comfy pillows to ease any sore spots – your body’s been through it this past year.
Take care of perineal tears and use proper hygiene advised by your HCP.
And of course, listen to your body. Rest when you need to, eat when you’re hungry, and most importantly, don’t rush the process.
Emotional support and resources
Surrounding yourself with a community of supportive friends and family who get it will help you through any emotional hurdles. Share your highs, lows, and everything in between because you don’t have to do it alone, they’re there to lift you up when you need it most.
Lean on professionals too. Whether it’s a therapist that specialises in postpartum care, or a support group where you can swap stories and tips – either way, you’re bound to get the support you need.
Wrapping it up
Does anyone else need a little lie-down after reading that?
Birthing is a wild ride, and no matter how a baby is born, most women are still absolute warriors for what they endure to get their child safely in their arms.
Sources
The Royal Women’s Hospital, Stages of labour, n.d
Mayo Clinic, Stages of labor and birth: Baby, it’s time!, July 2024
Better Health Channel, Childbirth – pain relief options, August 2014
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