Whether you’re pregnant and you’ve found out you’re expecting a boy, or you are waiting for a surprise, you might be wondering what you’re in for.
Here are a few things you can expect if you’re a boy mama:
*Disclaimer: Sure all kids are different and they won’t all fit into these (some of your girls may even be more like this) but this is a lighthearted look at life with boys.
The Penis Diaries
You will never think about, talk about or invest so much time in another human’s genitalia than your son’s penis (but it will make you understand men and how they tick a little more…). Little boys become obsessed with them from pretty early on (and never stop), so don’t be surprised to find them playing with it, talking about it – and very concerned when they can’t seem to find yours… And yep, baby boners are real, and kind of weird – but totally normal.
Also when it comes to nappy changes, prepare to wear the wee – and always ALWAYS make sure it’s pointing down and straight or you will be changing that nappy again very soon.
Nope, not actual ball sports (well yeah maybe some of those) but we’re talking testicles. It’s not just their penis, their little balls get some serious air-time in your life now too, whether it’s spending 20 minutes trying to wipe all the poo out of every little wrinkly crevasse, their appearance and texture that changes with the temperature, or the shock when they are born and they come out swollen and HUGE (don’t worry they’ll shrink back down to be in proportion).
Farts (real and otherwise) are now hilarious FYI. What goes in must come out and prepare to talk about it. A lot.
Embrace the pee
Because it’s going to be everywhere – especially when they start using the toilet and they’re still practicing their aim.
Dirt is life
Your little one is going to love getting messy, you’ll go to the park and all he’ll want to do is dig in the dirt. Mud pies are life – your life. You’ll go somewhere you didn’t even think had any dirt, and he’ll come home dirty.
They never stop. Ever.
Little boys are always on the go, they run (jump, climb, commando crawl, leap, bound, roll – you name it) everywhere, so at least you’ll get a work out chasing after them. Keeping them physically active (a.k.a tiring them out) is key.
Prepare to learn every make and model of car, truck, train, plane etc
No matter how many gender-neutral toys they have at their disposal, there’s just something about little boys and modes of transport.
You may need more extensive baby proofing
Little boys get into everything and like to touch, feel, poke, climb, swing, chew – you name it, they’re going to do it, so make sure you prepare your house accordingly.
Get a first-aid kit (and know where your local emergency room is)
Have a fully stocked first-aid kit on hand because chances are your little explorer is going to need it, think grazed knees, cut lips, broken bones…
Rough play will drive you mad
Whether with a sibling, your partner (or you) or their friends, little boys like to play rough and play wrestling pretty much becomes a daily occurrence.
Don’t stress, rough play is good for their development and attachment skills and to them, it’s fun (just make sure whoever they’re doing it with is a willing participant).
They can be divas too, FYI
Oh yeah, don’t think you’ll avoid the diva tantrums – theirs can be just as brutal.
They are sensitive little souls
Some even say little boys can be even more sensitive than little girls. So just because they’re running wild one minute, don’t think they can’t stop and smell the roses with you the next.
And they can love pink, and glitter and shiny things too
Sure they might be all about cars and trucks one day, but don’t underestimate how much fun they will have in your dress-up box or playing with “girly” stuff too.
They give the best cuddles
It’s often said little boys love their mamas the most – and tend to be more cuddly and affectionate than little girls.
They don’t hold onto things
Like men, boys tend to be much more black and white than us females, who err on the side of grey… While we tend to hold on to things and hold grudges and overanalyse, they move on and forget pretty quick. So they can switch from full-on tantrums to telling you how pretty you are within mere moments.
The boy clothing situation isn’t that bad
These days you can find some seriously cute options for boys, sure there might not be as much of a range as girls, but it makes it easier to get them dressed when they’re screaming and running around the house naked refusing to get dressed anyway.
Despite it all; the fart jokes and wee-stained everything, the boundless energy and trips to the emergency room – little boys are the absolute best.
They open your eyes to a world you weren’t privy to before and they make you look at things in a different way.
Like all children, they will have their own quirks, their own interests and show you who they are. They will test you and push you to your limits, but they will love you harder, cuddle you more and make you happier than you ever dreamed you could be.
Congrats boy mama, welcome to the club!