How to raise happy kids (in 10 steps)
As parents, we carry endless hopes for our kids. We dream of their health, success, and above all, their happiness. (And yes, maybe that’s why we sometimes cave in and buy those absurdly expensive toys that are then found forgotten at the bottom of the toy box.)
But let’s get real – happiness isn’t something we can wrap up in a shiny package.
While we pour our hearts into making our children’s lives joyful, deep down we know that we can’t control every twist and turn they’ll face. Life will throw rejections, heartbreaks, and traumas their way at some point in the future.
And that’s why ‘how to raise happy kids’ is an interesting question parents often throw at scientists, researchers and parenting experts in an attempt to find the right answers. After all, finding happiness even when life throws a curveball is a skill we struggle with even as adults.
And while some children are naturally happier than others, research finds that parents can help nurture a child’s emotional well-being and guide them through life’s highs and lows.
Importance of happiness for child development
Happiness is not just a pleasant emotion that children experience; it’s a vital component of their development that nurtures moral character and long-term success.
Providing the essentials like food, shelter, and education lays the basic foundation for a child’s growth, but happiness plays a crucial role that cannot be overlooked.
And given how depression and anxiety are higher in Gen Z, learning to be happy becomes a critical life skill.
Plus, when kids are genuinely happy, they’re more likely to try new things and step out of their comfort zones – which is a fancy way of saying they’ll grow up to be well-rounded adults with wholesome and healthy relationships. It also helps them have a better impact on the world.
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Don't replace the dead goldfish: The 101 on happy kids
Replacing a dead goldfish might keep your child happy for now, but is it really helping your child?
While skipping the ‘it died’ lesson may save your child from heartbreak now, it won’t teach them how to deal with loss in the future.
Raising happy kids isn’t about indulging every whim or cushioning every fall. It’s about teaching them to navigate their emotions and build meaningful, secure relationships.
Happiness is more than just fleeting moments of joy—or a goldfish that miraculously survives despite your forgetful feeding schedule; it’s about shaping resilient, well-rounded adults who can find contentment even when life gets tough.
And to note – a happy kid is also a kid that knows it’s okay to feel sad.
So when we talk about raising ‘happy’ kids, know that should never replace emotional validation and holding space for every feeling. It’s just as important that our kids feel comfortable with emotions like sadness or frustration – these aren’t ‘bad’ emotions.
With that being said, it’s not crazy to want your kid to have happiness – and you don’t need a degree in child psychology for it to happen.
Deliberate happiness efforts like creating positivity in your child’s surroundings, building essential people skills and having family dinners can make a big difference to their well-being.
Here are a few more tips to support your child’s emotional health.
Step 1: Be that happy child
We talk a lot about happier kids but what about adult happiness?
The journey to raising happy kids often starts surprisingly close to home—with the happiness of the parents themselves. Your emotional state directly influences your children’s happiness and behaviour, so much so that one study found that stress in babies can come from their mum’s being stressed.
Research also proves that parental happiness significantly affects children’s emotional and behavioural outcomes and parental depression leads to behavioural issues and emotional distress in children.
Fortunately, stress and anxiety aren’t the only contagious emotions. Happiness and laughter are too!
So if you want to know how to raise happy kids? Start by being happy parents!
How? Fill your cup first
You can’t pour from an empty cup, so prioritise looking after you.
It isn’t selfish – it’s essential. By tapping into activities that bring you joy, you’re able to model healthy emotional responses for your children.
When you take care of your own emotional well-being, you’re showing them that self-care is a crucial part of life. Children who see their parents positively manage their emotions learn to do the same.
This healthy emotional exchange lays the foundation for them to develop resilience and emotional intelligence – key ingredients for long-term happiness.
Step 2: Teach kids to build strong relationships
A playdate with friends, a night out with friends or a BBQ with the family can really cheer up kids and adults.
Why? Because humans were built for connection, and our strong bonds are crucial to living a happy life.
Start with the kids. Think of building strong relationships with your kids as constructing a skyscraper—skip the foundation, and you’re asking for a disaster (or at least some serious wobbling).
Forming deep connections with your little ones is like giving them a security blanket made of trust and understanding. This bond isn’t just for show; it’s where they learn to spill their secrets, get advice, and occasionally whine about broccoli.
Then use this as a stepping stone to teach them to build relationships with their friends, family members and even other adults like teachers and caregivers.
Step 3: Create a safe space
Raising happy kids means building a strong, supportive environment where they feel safe, loved, and valued. Think of it like the water in your fish tank. If it’s clean, your fish stay happy and healthy.
It’s not about shielding them from every disappointment or tough feeling but building a safe haven where they are safe to express and be themselves.
Step 4: Raising happy kids through life skills
From mastering emotional meltdowns to actually sticking to rules, these skills are the secret sauce that turns your tiny tornado into a capable, accomplished adult (or at least one who can survive Monday mornings.)
So next time you’re tempted to jump in and tie their shoelaces or swoop in to help with a project, hold yourself back. Kids need to learn that life isn’t all sunshine and unlimited screen time – they’ve got to handle a little distress and unhappiness too.
Letting them struggle a bit and sort things out on their own helps them cope when life throws them a curveball (or when the Wi-Fi goes out).
Step 5: Teach emotional intelligence
Am I hungry or am I sleepy? Or am I just angry because I’m exhausted?
That’s where emotional intelligence comes in. It’s how kids understand, communicate and manage their feelings effectively.
Will they magically figure it out on their own? No.
Emotional intelligence is a skill that needs to be taught and developed. And it’s you who needs to teach your kids to recognise, name, and validate their feelings – and to get that it’s okay to feel angry, but not okay to turn into a tiny Hulk – and give them the emotional toolkit they need.
PS: Having trouble explaining emotions? Why not take some help from the movie ‘Inside Out’ and get the conversation going?
Step 6: Teach self-discipline
Kids overindulging in ice cream and screen time? Turn it into an opportunity to start teaching self-discipline.
This skill shows up for so many tricky points in life. It’s actually shown to lower the chance of things like substance abuse and eating disorders.
But remember, teaching kids self-control isn’t just about barking orders; it’s about guiding them to resist the urge to turn snack time into a free-for-all. So think Master Oogway and not drill Sergent at boot camp!
With a sprinkle of love and a dash of structure, parents can set clear expectations that help kids understand when to say “no” to themselves (and others, #peerpressure.)
PS: Don’t expect perfection immediately. While this approach may not stop them from colouring on the walls at age 5, it will give them the confidence and emotional resilience to navigate life as they navigate their teen years.
Step 7: Setting boundaries and rules
Kids love to test their limits, and that’s why gently setting boundaries is so important! It helps them understand what to expect and how to behave in different situations.
Approach it as teaching rather than controlling. Healthy boundaries support emotional growth and help kids learn good behaviours and social norms. The key is to find a balance between being firm and flexible, especially based on their age and development.
By setting clear boundaries, you’re helping your child grow into a well-rounded person who feels confident, responsible, and empathetic. Plus, it can lead to fewer behaviour problems and lower chances of feeling down. When you pair those boundaries with active listening and consistent guidance, you create a strong foundation for positive relationships now and in the future.
Step 8: Form happiness habits
Want to make happiness a daily thing?
Start by developing good habits, or as we like to call them, lasting happiness habits.
Pick one habit and continue from there. Encourage optimism, sit down for a family dinner every night or simply limit TV time! (FYI, TV makes people unhappy. So if you are feeling down, skip the seasons and opt for non-television happiness activities instead.)
Step 9: All work and no play
Fresh air and the smell of grass might just be the cure for screen-induced grumpiness – and kids develop social skills by interacting with others. (Real people, not avatars.)
So, ditch the screens and take them outside, rain or shine. A daily dose of outdoor fun helps raise happier, healthier kids and gives them a break from perfecting their video game skills.
Step 10: Hello gratitude
Adding gratitude to your daily routine will lift the whole family’s spirits. Show them how it’s done by thanking people generously and genuinely.
Praise their efforts so they start giving thanks too. Make it a family ritual to share what you’re grateful for – because nothing says “we’re a happy family” like a daily round of “thanks for not arguing over the remote.”
Frequently asked questions
1. How does physical activity lead to happier kids?
Physical activity plays a vital role in enhancing children’s happiness by improving their mental health.
Regular engagement in physical activities helps in slowing kids’ cognitive decline, managing symptoms of anxiety and depression, and boosting self-esteem. This active lifestyle promotes a healthier, more emotionally stable outlook in children, contributing to their overall well-being.
Bonus? It also allows them to burn all that extra energy and get them tired by bedtime!
2. What role does nutrition play in a child’s mood?
You are what you eat, right? And that’s why nutrition significantly influences a child’s mood and mental health.
A diet rich in fruits and vegetables can improve brain development and enhance mental well-being, impacting a child’s anxiety levels, sleep patterns, and emotional health. Ensuring children eat dinner with nutritional value is one of the most powerful methods to support their developmental needs.
3. How can parents help build their child’s self-esteem?
Monkey see, monkey do!
To build a child’s self-esteem, parents can serve as positive role models and engage their children in activities that promote independence and competence.
Praising effort rather than outcome and avoiding harsh criticism are essential strategies. These actions help children feel valued and secure, enhancing their confidence and self-perception.
4. How can parents balance discipline with freedom?
Balancing discipline with freedom is like tightrope walking with flaming torches. It’s not easy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Find your own boundaries, and start by spending quality one-on-one time with your kids, which can help strengthen relationships and find that balance.
Praise the positives, set clear expectations, and employ creative distraction techniques to effectively manage behaviour while promoting independence and self-regulation.
5. What activities help develop a growth mindset in children?
Developing a growth mindset in children can be facilitated. Think growth mindset journals, or simply celebrating epic fails (because even superheroes stumble.)
You could make a vision board that screams, “I can do this!”
It’s all about teaching kids that with effort, hard work and a few tumbles, they can turn life’s ‘Oopsies’ and ‘Oh no’s’ into “It’s okay! I’ve got this.”
Sources
Time, How to Raise Happy Kids: 10 Steps Backed by Science, March 2014
Forbes, A Psychologist Shares 5 Ways To Raise A Happier Child, March 2024
Edge Early Learning, 7 Tips for Raising Happy Children, September 2021
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