Real mums: Mother’s groups and saying goodbye to spontaneity

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This is where we chat to real parents about all the real sh*t that goes down when you have little ones enter your life. From the hilarious to the heartwarming but also the hard times, heartbreak and everything in between…
Yarna Halton is mum to two little ones; Summer Shaw who is 3.5 going on 16 and Parker turned 1 a month ago… “Where did my baby go?”.
She is also a busy working mum as Kiindred’s own Brand Partnerships Manager.
Here Yarna chats to us about her life with two little ones, saying goodbye to spontaneity and how her mother’s group helped her through those tough early days – and still do now!
Can you tell us a little bit about your motherhood journey so far?
I was lucky enough to fall pregnant very very quickly – both times! That’s something I don’t take for granted and am very grateful for, however it didn’t give me much time to ‘plan’ and I was in denial for quite some time. I kept my ‘old life’ as much as I could with my first baby and still socialised a lot, went back to work quickly, tried to pretend I didn’t have this new life.
It wasn’t until my second came along that I really leaned into this new world and from that moment onwards I felt a shift in who I was as a person and as a mum. It’s important that I am both of these and not just one of them. I am a mum but I’m also me – and while these lines get blurred all the time (usually in favour of the mum persona) it’s important to take a step back and remember who I am too.
What surprised you most about being a mum?
SO SO many things! But mainly the change in lifestyle that came with it. Nothing is spontaneous in life, sleep-ins are a thing of the past, quality time with my partner is something I crave – and not a given
What I love most is seeing my family with my kids, particularly my parents – I have a terrible memory and I feel this gives me a glimpse into what an amazing upbringing I had.

How did you feel going into motherhood?
I had a ‘bury my head in the sand’ approach when I was pregnant. Everyone was giving me advice and I wanted to do it my way. Once Summer came along I definitely wanted more information and practical advice to help me navigate the early days. I was lucky enough to have a lovely friend on hand (thanks Emmy) who I would message at all hours of the night asking random questions. I still remember texting her asking if it was too early to start sleep training – Summer was barely a couple of weeks old haha.
I have an amazing mother’s group who helped me through the early days – scratch that, still helping me now! Being surrounded and supported by people in similar circumstances to you was invaluable – especially when no questions were inappropriate or you needed a friend at those 3 am feeds or someone to sit and have a wine with in your trackies!
What impact did becoming a mum have on your life/career, if any?
I think I’m still figuring this out. I’ve recently started back at work after a 14-month break and I’m still working through the juggle. I know I want the best of both worlds – for me personally, I don’t want a career that means I don’t get to spend time with my kids. So flexibility and the right support network is key and not easy to come by.
What is the best advice you’ve received when it comes to parenting little ones?
Go with your gut instincts! You will get SO much advice from so many different sources and some of it is awesome – and some of it is useless.
Take as much information and advice as you need but always listen to that feeling inside that tells you what is right for your family. Every family is different so what works for your mum/sisters/aunties/friends might not be right for you. Block the negative and go with what works for you.
What is your favourite thing about being a mum?
Seeing their little personalities start to come through – which is pieces of you, your partner, mum, dad, brother etc all mixed up into a tiny little unique package
My eldest is so sassy and goes from smile to tantrum in a hot minute but she has the kindest heart and when she curls up to me at the end of the day and tells me she loves me to the moon, and the rainbows and back again – it makes all the tantrums worthwhile!

Do you have an amazing story about parenthood to share yourself? Drop us an email at [email protected].
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Health & Wellbeing
What is the pelvic floor and why do I need to worry about it?
Sneezing and not worrying about the aftermath is a luxury that for around 50% of women disappears in the pregnancy or after birth. After growing and delivering a new life into the world, the body has had to soften and loosen quite a lot. The pelvic and abdominal region essentially house the growing fetus through the pregnancy which in order to do so have had to elongate and widen significantly. Then as the baby passes through the birth canal the pelvic floor has to open right up to allow the baby to be delivered in the world. But what exactly is this pelvic floor? The pelvic floor is one of the most incredible designs of human anatomy that most people have given little thought to. It is actually made up of 8- 9 individual muscles that join together to create a strong structure forming the ‘floor’ of the ‘pelvis’. It is a multilayered structure woven together made up of muscles, fascia, and ligaments sitting deep within the pelvis. It runs just deep to the gusset region, from the tailbone at the back, through to the pubic bone at the front The pelvic floor has many important roles including: 1. Producing a tight seal or ‘sphincter’ around the urethra and rectum to prevent leaking of urine, stool or gas from escaping ( which is something no one ever wants) 2. Create a strong support structure to prevent the internal organs from descending downwards into the vaginal space ( when this occurs this is called a pelvic organ prolapse) 3. Provide the sensation and muscle tone required for pleasure during sexual intercourse (yes please) 4. Functions with other core muscles to create stability for the spine, strength, and prevent injuries The pelvic floor is a very dynamic structure, which has the ability to change in every minute in response to what load is placed on it. At low level activities such as standing still it will be working to prevent urine or feaces from leaking, but at a low enough level that it doesn't fatigue. If it contracts too hard unnecessarily then it won't be able to work when it is really needed, such as during activities such as running or sneezing with a full bladder. These activities require the pelvic floor to have a momentary increase in activation at a strong level, and only a healthy pelvic floor will allow this to occur. If any of these functions aren’t performing like the normally would, it is a sign that the pelvic floor may need a little TLC. How do we know that something is wrong? Many women think that pelvic floor issues after having a baby are “ normal’ and they will eventually resolve themselves. Well the truth is they are not normal, and they are unlikely to resolve themselves if they are still present by around 3 months post birth. Women should ask themselves the following questions to help work out if anything is wrong: 1. Do you leak urine when you cough, sneeze, blow your nose, or exercise? 2. Do you leak urine on approach to the toilet or have you had an unexpected accident when you didn’t think you needed to go? 3. Do you find it difficult to control your bowels (wind or stool)? 4. Do you feel a sense of heaviness/ dragging in the vagina or rectum? 5. Do you feel something protruding from your vagina? 6. When you pass urine on the toilet, is it difficult or does it seem different to before? 7. Is sexual intercourse and intimacy painful? 8. Does sexual intercourse lack sensation or feeling? Ladies, if you answered Yes to any of these questions, then I would love you to get yourself to a Women’s Health Physiotherapist sooner rather than later, as the sooner we address the issue the better. Are there any quick fixes? Just like exercises, fitness, and weight loss, sadly there are no quick fixes. The pelvic floor is a group of muscles and just like those in your bicep, they will only get stronger from consistently exercising in a challenging way. The term ‘use it or lose it’ definitely applies to the pelvic floor. My main advice for women is firsty to learn how to do a pelvic floor activation the right way first. Many women can't believe how different a correct pelvic floor activation is when I teach them compared to what they thought and have been doing for years. The best way to learn really is to have a one off appointment with a pelvic floor physio who can assess what you are doing, give feedback and guide you. Then once you have it down pat, its important to add a little ‘spice’ to the program, as ill be the first to admit pelvic floor exercises are boring as anything. A few tips to prevent you from falling off the wagon, and keep you motivated: - Individualised program: Get a Pelvic floor program that is specifically tailored to you. It is WAY more motivating to have a challenge specific to your own pelvic floor, and works on all the different muscle components rather than just a “ squeeze and hold and traffic lights” many women do. - Pelvic floor equipment: Consider introducing pelvic floor weights, stimulation or specific probes. With some guidance from a professional, they can make it more effective and more interesting. - Pelvic floor App: Consider using a pelvic floor App that reminds you, and allows yoiu to record your exercises. This means there are no excuses for forgetting either! - To the beat: One of my favourites is to play a song once per day, and do pelvic floor exercises to the beat of the song for the whole song (Beyoncé is fun for this one! - Try to sneak in some extra pelvic floor squeezes by strongly activating every time you sneeze, blow your nose, stand out of a chair or lift an object. This is called ‘the knack’ and as well as strengthening, it also often prevents leakage.
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