What to know about positive parenting: Techniques, strategies, and tips
Nikki Stevenson
Nikki Stevenson
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In this article
- What is positive parenting?
- Benefits of positive parenting
- When should you use positive parenting?
- The 'Positive Parenting Program'
- Effective discipline techniques
- Positive parenting strategies
- Positive parenting techniques for challenging behaviours
- Positive parenting tips for different ages
- The challenges of positive parenting
- Positive parenting in daily life
- Sources
Parenting can sometimes feel like running a marathon in the dark, trying not to trip over your own two feet.
Between tantrums, sibling squabbles, and the endless barrage of questions (“But why, Mum?”), it’s easy to get overwhelmed.
That’s where positive parenting comes in – an approach that shifts the focus from discipline and punishment to connection, understanding, and guiding your child toward more positive behaviour.
Positive parenting isn’t about being the “perfect” parent (spoiler: that doesn’t exist). It is about creating a healthy, nurturing environment that fosters your child’s emotional and mental well-being. While positive parenting isn’t always easy (wouldn’t that be nice?), you can make a huge impact on your child’s happiness and development with the right strategies. And, importantly, keep your sanity intact in the process.
In this article, we’ll explore positive parenting, its benefits, and how to incorporate these techniques into everyday life to raise confident, resilient, and happy kids.
What is positive parenting?
Positive parenting is an approach that focuses on building a strong, healthy relationship between parent and child through respect, empathy, and guidance. Instead of relying on punishments or harsh discipline, it emphasises teaching, encouraging, and nurturing your child to help their holistic development.
The goal is to steer kids toward better behaviour by focusing on their needs and understanding the reasons behind their actions. Positive parenting aims to foster a child’s self-esteem, emotional intelligence, and resilience. How? By creating an environment of trust and open communication.
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Benefits of positive parenting
Positive parenting isn’t just about keeping the peace at home – it has some incredible long-term benefits for both children and parents. Here are a few key advantages:
1. Stronger parent-child relationships
Positive parenting fosters a deep emotional connection between parents and children. It focuses on empathy, active listening, and open communication to build trust and mutual respect. This foundation strengthens your bond over time, making kids more likely to come to you when they face problems or need support.
2. Boosted self-esteem
Children raised with positive reinforcement and encouragement develop a healthy sense of self-worth. Rather than feeling punished for their mistakes, they learn to see challenges as opportunities for growth. This helps them build confidence and a positive self-image, which can have a lasting impact as they grow into adults.
3. Better emotional regulation
Positive parenting teaches kids how to manage their emotions constructively. Instead of lashing out in anger or frustration, they learn how to process their feelings and communicate them effectively. This helps them navigate social situations, resolve conflicts, and develop emotional intelligence.
4. Improved behaviour
While it might seem counterintuitive, focusing on positive reinforcement rather than punishment often leads to better behaviour. Kids who feel supported and understood are more likely to follow rules, cooperate, and act respectfully. Positive discipline strategies also help them understand the consequences of their actions without the need for harsh punishments.
5. Long-term mental health
Research has shown that children raised with positive parenting are less likely to develop anxiety, depression, or behavioural issues later in life. They grow up in a nurturing environment where they feel valued and understood, which helps them build resilience and a strong sense of self.
When should you use positive parenting?
The beauty of positive parenting is that it’s not limited to specific situations—it’s a mindset that can be applied at all stages of your child’s development, from the toddler tantrum years to the tricky teen times. But, it can be especially useful in key moments where your child’s behaviour, emotions, or development seem to be taking centre stage. For parents of adolescents, programs like Teen Triple P can provide valuable strategies to navigate the tricky teen times.
1. During challenging behaviours
Whether it’s the toddler meltdown in the middle of the supermarket or the pre-teen sulk that makes you want to pull your hair out, positive parenting helps guide your child through those tough behavioural moments without resorting to punishment.
Instead, it looks at the root cause – are they tired, frustrated, or confused? Addressing the emotions behind the behaviour helps resolve the issue without escalating things.
2. Building long-term habits
Positive parenting is essential when trying to establish good habits that will stick. From learning to share and managing screen time to dealing with bedtime routines, positive reinforcement helps kids internalise these behaviours rather than following rules out of fear.
3. Emotional ups and downs
As kids grow, their emotions can swing between extremes. Positive parenting is perfect for navigating those emotional waves by teaching them how to handle disappointment, frustration, or anger healthily. It’s especially valuable during big transitions, like starting school or dealing with new siblings.
4. Navigating conflict
Sibling rivalry? Playground disputes? Positive parenting helps kids learn how to negotiate, resolve issues, and maintain friendships. It encourages problem-solving and communication, rather than simply punishing one child for ‘bad’ behaviour.
The 'Positive Parenting Program'
The Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) is one of the most well-known frameworks designed to help parents manage their children’s behaviour using positive techniques.
Developed in Australia, Triple P is backed by decades of research. It’s designed to give parents the confidence and skills they need to raise happy, well-adjusted kids – without feeling overwhelmed or lost in the process.
How does triple P work?
Triple P isn’t a one-size-fits-all program; it’s structured into different levels to suit each family’s needs. The various Triple P programs are tailored to the specific needs of different communities, including special courses for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander families and those dealing with complex family issues.
The program is available in several formats, including online courses, in-person workshops, or one-on-one consultations with trained professionals.
Key components of the Triple P Program:
- Encouraging positive behaviour: Triple P focuses on giving children clear instructions and rewarding good behaviour. It teaches parents to set realistic expectations and encourage desirable behaviours through praise and positive reinforcement.
- Managing misbehaviour: The program provides effective discipline techniques that focus on consistency and fairness, rather than punishment. This includes strategies for calmly dealing with defiance, tantrums, and other challenging behaviours.
- Building emotional resilience: One of the core goals of Triple P is to help kids develop emotional strength to cope with life’s ups and downs. By fostering self-confidence and problem-solving skills, the program encourages emotional intelligence.
- Reducing stress for parents: Triple P recognises that parenting can be incredibly stressful, so it also focuses on self-care for parents. The program has techniques to manage stress, balance work-life commitments, and maintain a healthy relationship with your child.
Effective discipline techniques
In a positive parenting program, discipline isn’t about punishment – it’s about teaching. The aim is to guide children toward making better choices while maintaining their self-esteem and helping them understand the consequences of their actions.
Here are some effective discipline techniques that align with the principles of positive parenting:
1. Natural and logical consequences
Instead of dishing out punishments that may seem arbitrary to kids, use natural or logical consequences directly tied to their behaviour. For example, if they refuse to wear a coat, they might feel cold (natural consequence). If they don’t clean up their toys, they can’t play with them later (logical consequence). This helps them understand how their actions lead to outcomes, making the lesson more meaningful
2. Time-in instead of time-out
While traditional time-outs focus on isolating a child to reflect on their misbehaviour, a time-in is about staying close and helping them process their emotions. During a time-in, you sit with your child in a calm space, talk through what happened, and give them the tools to manage their feelings. This reinforces connection rather than separation.
3. Positive reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is one of the most effective tools. By praising good behaviour and acknowledging effort, you encourage your child to repeat those actions. It’s important that the praise is specific – saying, “I’m proud of how you shared your toys with your brother,” is more effective than a vague “Good job.
4. Setting clear, consistent limits
Children thrive when they know what’s expected of them. Be clear about your family rules and ensure they are consistent across both parents (or caregivers). The key is to set firm limits in a calm and respectful way, so the child understands the boundaries but doesn’t feel shamed or scared.
5. Redirecting behaviour
When young children misbehave, it’s often because they don’t yet have the skills to handle frustration or boredom. Redirecting is a great tool when you see things heading in the wrong direction. For example, if your toddler is grabbing something fragile, redirect them to a toy that’s more age-appropriate (and won’t get shattered..)
6. Problem-solving together
For older children, discipline can involve teaching them how to solve problems. Instead of simply telling them what they did wrong, invite them to come up with solutions for future behaviour. This promotes accountability and helps them develop critical thinking skills.
7. Stay calm and model behaviour
Your child learns more from watching you than you realise. When you stay calm in challenging situations and model the behaviour you want to see – using a gentle tone, being patient, or showing empathy – your child is more likely to mirror that behaviour over time.
Positive parenting strategies
Positive parenting needs consistency and a proactive approach to really guide your child’s development and behaviour. By using thoughtful strategies, you can create an environment where your child feels secure, loved, and supported.
Here are some key positive parenting program strategies to implement:
1. Focus on connection first
Before addressing any behaviour, establish a strong emotional connection with your child. Spend quality time together and engage in activities they enjoy. A strong bond makes it easier to guide their behaviour and helps them feel secure in the relationship. Kids who feel connected are more likely to cooperate and communicate their feelings.
2. Use descriptive praise
Instead of vague compliments like “Good job,” use specific, descriptive praise to highlight the exact behaviour you’re encouraging. For example, “I really like how you put your toys away without me asking” helps the child understand what behaviour is appreciated, making it more likely to be repeated.
3. Be present and attentive
Sometimes the best strategy is simply being there, both physically and emotionally. A positive parenting program isn’t just about correcting bad behaviour; it’s also about noticing the good moments. Show that you’re fully present when your child talks to you, and make eye contact when they’re sharing something important. This reinforces their sense of being valued and heard.
4. Set clear expectations
Kids need to know what’s expected of them, so make those expectations clear (and age-appropriate.) Explain family rules in a way they can understand and make sure they know the consequences if the rules are broken. When expectations are clear, there’s less room for confusion or frustration.
5. Establish routines
Children thrive on routines because it gives them a sense of predictability and security. Whether it’s a bedtime routine, mealtime structure, or homework schedule, creating consistent daily routines can help lessen behavioural challenges. Routines give structure so kids know what’s coming next and feel more in control of their environment.
6. Empower your child with choices
Giving your child choices, even small ones, helps them feel a sense of control and builds decision-making skills. For example, let them choose between two outfits or decide which vegetable to have with dinner. This sense of autonomy can lessen power struggles and encourage cooperation.
7. Teach problem-solving skills
Rather than solving every issue for your child, guide them through the problem-solving process. Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think we could do to fix this?” or “How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?” This empowers them to handle similar situations in the future and promotes critical thinking.
8. Stay consistent with discipline
Children learn best when they know what to expect – consistency is key to discipline. Stick to the consequences you’ve set for misbehaviour and follow through calmly. Consistency helps your child understand the link between actions and consequences, and it reinforces the security of knowing that rules don’t change on a whim.
Positive parenting techniques for challenging behaviours
Dealing with challenging behaviours needs a thoughtful approach. Focus on understanding and addressing the root cause of the behaviour while guiding children to make better choices.
Here are some ways to manage those tricky moments:
1. Offer empathy before correction
When your child is acting out, they’re often expressing unmet needs or emotions they can’t articulate. Start by acknowledging their feelings without immediately jumping to correction. Saying, “I see that you’re really frustrated right now,” helps them feel understood and opens the door for better communication and problem-solving.
2. Preemptive guidance
Instead of waiting for misbehaviour, give your child a heads-up about what’s expected in certain situations. Before heading into a restaurant or a friend’s house, talk through what’s appropriate behaviour – like saying “We’re going to a café now. Remember to use your inside voice and stay seated at the table.” Preemptive guidance lowers the chances of acting out and helps set expectations clearly.
3. Visual schedules and cues
For younger children or those who struggle with transitions, visual schedules can be a lifesaver. Use pictures or a simple chart to outline the day’s activities, so they know what to expect. Visual cues, like timers or signals, can also help them understand when it’s time to shift gears without it feeling abrupt.
4. Collaborative problem solving
For older children, use a collaborative approach when behaviour problems arise. Sit down and brainstorm solutions together, allowing your child to take part in deciding how to handle similar situations in the future. This fosters a sense of ownership and accountability while teaching critical thinking and decision-making skills.
5. Behaviour contracts or reward systems
For children struggling with repeated behaviours, a behaviour contract might be worthwhile. Together, outline specific actions they need to work on and tie it to a reward system. For example, earning points every time they follow through on tasks or meet expectations. This isn’t bribery – it’s positive reinforcement with clear, achievable goals.
6. Use play to address behaviour
Children often express their emotions through play, so use this to your advantage! If your child finds sharing or cooperation tricky, role-playing with toys can help them practice these skills in a low-pressure environment. You can gently guide the play to model good behaviour, turning the lesson into something fun and interactive.
7. Adjust expectations based on development
Children’s behaviour often reflects where they are developmentally. Toddlers, for example, aren’t defiant for the sake of it – they’re exploring their independence. Being mindful of your child’s developmental stage can help you adjust your expectations accordingly so that each of you is less frustrated.
8. Practice delayed consequences
When emotions are high, it’s often hard to have productive discussions or enforce meaningful consequences. If a situation is particularly heated, let your child know that you’ll discuss it when everyone is calm. “We’ll talk about this after dinner,” gives both of you a chance to cool down and approach the issue with a clear head. (Pro tip, this also works for grown-ups.)
Positive parenting tips for different ages
Positive parenting techniques can be adapted to meet the needs of your child as they grow and change.
As any parent knows all too well, each stage of childhood comes with its own challenges. Adjusting positive parenting strategies at each stage is key to raising a well-rounded, emotionally healthy child.
Babies (0-12 months)
- Respond to their needs: When your baby cries, they’re communicating. Responding quickly and lovingly helps them feel secure and builds trust with a positive parent.
- Attachment through touch: Holding, cuddling, and skin-to-skin contact are essential for bonding and emotional development. Babies thrive on feeling close to their caregivers.
- Talk and sing: Even though they don’t understand words yet, babies benefit from hearing your voice. It helps with language development and fosters a sense of connection.
Toddlers (1-3 years)
- Use distraction and redirection: When tantrums or misbehaviour arise, gently steer them toward a different activity rather than focusing on the ‘bad’ behaviour.
- Give choices: Offer simple, limited choices, such as, “Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue one?” This gives toddlers a sense of control while still guiding them.
- Model good behaviour: Toddlers are little imitators. Show them the behaviour you want to see, like saying “please” and “thank you,” sharing, or staying calm during tough moments.
Preschoolers (3-5 years)
- Set clear, consistent boundaries: Explain the rules in simple terms and enforce them consistently. Preschoolers do well with clear expectations and will help prepare children for life.
- Encourage problem-solving: If your preschooler is upset, guide them through solving their problems by asking questions like, “What can we do to make this better?”
- Praise their efforts: Positive feedback and reinforcement at this stage is important. When they share, play nicely, or try something new, praise their efforts to encourage more of the same.
Primary school age (6-12 years)
- Encourage responsibility: Give your child age-appropriate tasks, like helping with chores, and praise them for taking initiative.
- Foster open communication: Create a safe space where your child feels comfortable talking to you about their feelings, successes, and struggles. Active listening is key to maintaining this bond.
- Teach natural consequences: Allow children to experience the natural outcomes of their choices when appropriate. For example, if they forget their homework, they’ll face the consequences at school. This helps them understand responsibility.
The challenges of positive parenting
While positive parenting has many benefits, it can also come with its fair share of challenges, especially with a misbehaving child. Balancing patience, consistency, and understanding when life gets hectic is no small feat.
Here’s how to tackle some of the most common hurdles you may face while practising positive parenting and developing a positive relationship:
1. Dealing with your own stress
It’s hard to stay calm and empathetic when you’re feeling overwhelmed yourself. Whether it’s work stress, financial pressures, or just the chaos of daily life, your emotional state can impact how you parent.
Parenting experts say to prioritise self-care. Make sure you carve out time to recharge, even if it’s just 10 minutes of quiet to yourself. Practising mindfulness or deep breathing exercises can help reduce stress in the moment. When you’re feeling balanced, it’s easier to respond calmly to your child’s needs.
2. Staying consistent
One of the biggest challenges with positive parenting is consistency. It’s tempting to give in during tough moments or when you’re exhausted, but inconsistency can send mixed signals to kids, making behaviour management harder in the long run.
Set clear rules and stick to them. It helps to write down family rules and discuss them with your child, so everyone knows what’s expected. If you slip up, it’s okay – acknowledge it and aim to get back on track without guilt.
3. Managing tantrums and outbursts
No matter how positive your parenting approach is, there will still be tantrums, meltdowns, and emotional outbursts – especially with younger children. When a meltdown happens, focus on staying calm. Acknowledge their emotions (“I see you’re really upset”) and help them label what they’re feeling. Offer comfort and guidance, but also set limits: “It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to throw things.” Teaching emotional regulation takes time, so be patient with the process.
4. Co-parenting conflicts
If you and your co-parent have different parenting styles, it can be challenging to keep things consistent across both households. Open communication is key. Try to align on big-picture goals, even if your day-to-day approaches differ. Regularly check in about important decisions (like discipline strategies, routines, or screen time rules) to create some cohesion between homes, while allowing flexibility for each parent’s style.
5. Handling defiance
Children, particularly as they grow older, may test limits and challenge authority. Respond in a way that maintains your authority without damaging your parent-child relationship. Stay firm but calm. Clearly explain the consequences of defiance and follow through with them consistently. Avoid power struggles by offering choices where appropriate, and remind your child that while you respect their opinions, some rules are non-negotiable for their safety and well-being.
Positive parenting in daily life
Positive parenting isn’t a “once in a while” approach – it’s a mindset to integrate into everyday interactions with your child. While it might sound like a lot of effort, there are simple ways to make it part of your daily routine.
1. Start small with daily routines
Incorporate positive parenting into routines you already have. Whether it’s at breakfast, during the school drop-off, or before bed, these moments are perfect for reinforcing positive behaviour, offering praise, or giving your child choices. Routines provide structure and a sense of security, which helps reduce behavioural issues over time.
2. Use positive language
Swap out “don’t” and “stop” statements with positive, instructive language. Rather than saying, “Don’t run in the house,” try, “Let’s walk inside and save running for outside.” This shifts the focus from what the child shouldn’t do to what they can do, which helps prevent frustration and confusion.
3. Schedule one-on-one time
Carve out regular one-on-one time with each of your children. This doesn’t have to be a huge event – just 10 or 15 minutes of undivided attention can work wonders. It strengthens your bond, boosts their self-esteem, and reduces the chances of acting out for attention.
4. Model the behaviour you want to see
Children learn by example, so be mindful of your own behaviour. If you want them to handle conflicts calmly, show them how you manage stress. If you want them to be respectful and kind, model those traits in your interactions with them and others.
5. Reflect on your own reactions
Parenting is an emotional journey, and no one is perfect. If you lose your cool or handle a situation poorly, take a moment to reflect and consider how you can respond more positively next time. Apologising to your child (while staying consistent and clear with boundaries) if needed teaches them the value of accountability and repair in relationships.
Sources
UNICEF, Positive Parenting, n.d
University of California – Davis Health, The power of positive parenting, n.d
Positive Psychology, What is Positive Parenting? 33 Examples and Benefits, May 2019
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby, Positive parenting, May 2024
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Nikki Stevenson
Follow +Nikki is a parenting writer and a mom to three wild boys who keep her on her toes (and occasionally make her question her sanity). With over 15 years of experience in the parenting industry, she has more tips and tricks than Mary Poppins on speed dial. When she's not typing away at her keyboard, you can find her sipping on coffee, hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of...