Revenge Bedtime Procrastination and How to Overcome It
It’s 7 p.m. As a mum of three, I can’t wait for my kids to go to bed.
My plans after my youngest, who is four, wanders off into a world of whatever four-year-olds dream of (dinosaurs, cars, and giant trucks?) should consist of getting some shut-eye myself.
However, lately, that hasn’t been the case.
In fact, with every passing day, falling asleep at the same time as my child is something that hardly ever happens.
Instead, I stay awake. The bags under my eyes beg for some beauty sleep, while my tired muscles crave the relaxation of REM.
But do I give in?
Oh no! I yawn, knowing very well that I will regret my decision tomorrow morning. Do I continue to sacrifice sleep so I can doomscroll on, or watch one more episode on Netflix? Absolutely!
Why? Because I have what researchers have termed ‘mumsomnia,’ aka ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’ or ‘sleep procrastination.’
What is Mumsomnia, aka “Sleep Procrastination?”
Mumsonia? It sounds like a joke, right? Well, I thought it was something made up, too. After all, I was delaying sleep for some free time so I could scroll without anyone demanding I listen to them right now.
All I needed was some downtime to watch a few episodes of “Ginny and Georgia” or see if the critics were right about ‘Sirens’, and maybe scroll through my Instagram and TikTok feed and catch up on the world.
But before you know it, 15 minutes has turned into 60. One episode turns into three, and there’s no end to scrolling through the reels.
Turns out, mum-terms like mumsonia, mum bod, and mum brain have scientific research to back them up. And mumsonia, also known as “Revenge Bedtime Procrastination,” is as real as it gets!
What is revenge bedtime procrastination?
Revenge bedtime procrastination is a behaviour pattern observed in parents, mostly mums, with hectic and demanding schedules. Because they have limited personal time during the day, they frequently stay up late at night, even if they are exhausted.
The phrase “revenge” in revenge bedtime procrastination indicates seeking vengeance for the day’s activities, which they feel took up the majority of their time and energy.
Because let’s be honest, being a mum can tax one’s time management skills and cause one to spiral out of routine.
Wondering if you have mumsomnia?
Well, your phone’s digital screen or app trackers may be a good indicator. I know that when I looked up mine, I was surprised to find I was spending at least 2 hours every night on my phone. I could swear it felt like 15 minutes!
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Is sleep procrastination a mental disorder?
While some may be quick to label sleep procrastination as a mental disorder, it’s really not. If anything, it refers to a behavioural tendency rather than a diagnosable illness. Simply put, revenge bedtime procrastination is another form of sleep deprivation for parents and a sad attempt for them to regain some sense of freedom during late-night hours.
Nonetheless, this behaviour harms sleep quality and overall health. (And I don’t just mean those dark circles under your eyes!)
Revenge bedtime procrastination: sleep problems and your mental health
There’s no way to sugarcoat this. Revenge bedtime procrastination can seriously mess with your physical and mental well-being. Sleep deprivation doesn’t just give us those dark circles and under-eye bags; it also impacts our cognitive function (you know, the ability to remember why you walked into the room in the first place) as well as mood regulation… which would explain all that snapping.
It also impacts job performance and relationships, and we find ourselves being unhappy, tired versions of ourselves.
In the long term, chronic sleep deprivation weakens our immune system, impacts our mental health, and just makes everything harder, especially parenting.
Is revenge bedtime procrastination a symptom of ADHD?
Not exactly, but the two are definitely in a situationship.
Some studies have shown that individuals with ADHD are more prone to this behaviour. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition and brings its grab-bag of challenges. These include self-regulation difficulties, time blindness, rumination (endless overthinking once the house is finally quiet), and stimulation-seeking, which is technically scrolling reels to calm a restless brain.
ADHD makes sticking to a routine tricky, and the quiet of the night feels like the perfect time to finally do what you want.
10 Strategies to stop revenge bedtime procrastination
Now that you’ve identified the enemy (your own index finger, scrolling into the abyss), let’s talk solutions.
You can reclaim your rest without sacrificing your sacred alone time. But dealing with the wily temptress of the night and avenging bedtime procrastination necessitates a deliberate approach. If you find yourself caught in its sultry, swiping web (ahem, never-ending TikToks), here are ten strategies to prevent revenge bedtime procrastination:
1. A structured nighttime routine
Your toddler isn’t the only one who’ll do well with a nighttime routine. You need the same sleep and wake time each day. Even on weekends. (Yes, even then!) This consistency will help your body understand when it’s time to wind down.
2. Make your environment conducive to sleep
Lower the temperature, dim the lights, add soft bedding, try some gentle stretches, and leave the phone in another room. It doesn’t need to be a spa; it just needs to signal to your body that it’s time to chill. (The National Heart and Blood Institute recommends winding down without screens to help your body get the memo.)
3. Start a calming pre-sleep ritual
Just like you help your toddler wind down, create a pre-sleep ritual for yourself. I’m talking about a bath, a book, and some herbal tea. Not TikTok, Twitter, or mindless TV. Your wind-down routine should help your brain calm down.
4. Prioritise personal time during the day
I know, I know. It’s easier said than done. But carving out even 15 minutes for yourself can make that feeling go away. So ask your partner to entertain the kids while you take that bath, or complete that 10-step Korean skincare routine you’ve been meaning to try.
By making time for yourself during the day or before bedtime, you’ll be less likely to resort to bedtime procrastination.
5. Enforce a tech curfew
Repeat after me: Blue light is bad. Five minutes of scrolling or even catching up on messages isn’t going to help you sleep. So either the phone stays out of the bedroom or your apps get blocked after 9 pm. If that doesn’t help, ask your partner to physically take your phone away. (Hey, desperate times, desperate measures!)
6. Good sleep habits start with self-control
Yes, it may seem tough at first! But remember you’ve got this.
One motivation to straighten your act is your kids. Remember, a rested version of you is a nicer and more patient parent. Secondly, your kids will eventually pick up on your sleeping habits. So put that phone down and show them how it’s really done.
7. Doing the task you’re avoiding will help you fall asleep faster
It sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes, doing the thing you’re avoiding, like that annoying task you’ve been thinking about for the past 30 minutes, can actually help you fall asleep faster.
Why? Because unfinished tasks increase daytime stress. They also clutter our minds (yes, that long mental checklist we keep addingg items to) and eventually crawl in bed with us at night.
The solution? A physical to-do list and tackling those lingering to-dos during the day! And yes, go ahead and reply to that one email, or add another load of laundry. Get it done so your brain can stop worrying.
8. Use your self-control resources wisely
You only have so much control in a day. If the only time you get to yourself is after bedtime, that time is precious… but so is your well-being!
9. Celebrate the Small (and BIG) Wins
One night without your phone? Amazing!
Didn’t add items to the cart at 2 am? Awesome!
Go ahead and treat those baby steps as a win. A+! Now just stay consistent.
10. Tracking Helps
Use an app or a tracker to follow your sleeping habits. Create a chart and monitor your sleep and awake times to see if you are getting the required amount of time. This might feel like I’m adding another task to your to-do list, but hear me out.
It’s easy to get demotivated when you can’t see progress. That’s why a chart or a table with your stats can help you stay consistent. It will show if you really are getting enough sleep while reinforcing the message that you need to go to sleep early.
The Don'ts of a bedtime routine
Here are some major bedtime “don’ts” that can sabotage your rest, ruin your sleep patterns, and keep you stuck in the cycle of insufficient sleep:
- We both know this, but I’ll just say it again. Don’t bring your phone to bed. No laptops, no iPads either. The blue light from electronic devices can throw off your circadian rhythm and convince your brain it’s still party time.
- Don’t binge-watch “just one more episode.” Nighttime Netflix marathons might feel like the only leisure time you have, but they rob you of those sweet, sweet REM cycles.
- Don’t drink caffeine late. “Oh, but it’s just tea?” Yeah, your body’s not buying it.
- Don’t ignore your bedtime. Not even on the weekends.
- Sleeping late is not a treat! And no, you can’t reward yourself with a late-night out only because you’ve had one week of consistent bedtime. It’ll just mess up your progress!
- Don’t switch up your sleep schedule every night. Think boring. You need to have the same, dull, monotonous and boring routine every night.
- Sleep medicine? Nope, that’s not a quick fix. Don’t rely on them and definitely do not self-medicate. Your ‘me time’ should never be the reason you sacrifice your health and long-term well-being.
Get help if necessary
Habits don’t magically shift overnight. And breaking up with revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t exactly a one-night stand.(It’s not you, it’s them!)
So, go ahead. Be patient with yourself and ask for help if you need it. (There’s no shame in that.) Talk to your doctor and seek professional help so you can be the healthiest version of you. Your brain will put up a fight, but you’ve got this.
Australian Sleep Resources:
Learn more about revenge bedtime procrastination, sleep deprivation in parents, and how to seek professional help:
Remember, good sleep isn’t a luxury. It’s the foundation for better mornings, better moods, and the best version of you. Your mind, body, and probably your entire household will thank you. And that’s the real power of getting enough hours of solid sleep.
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