The signs of separation anxiety in babies at night
Nikki Stevenson
Nikki Stevenson
In this article
- Understanding separation anxiety in babies
- Why does separation anxiety happen in babies at night?
- Does separation anxiety affect my baby’s sleep?
- Signs and symptoms of separation anxiety
- Developmental milestones and fear of separation
- Tactics to support your little one
- Handling nighttime separation anxiety
- When to seek professional help
- Sources
Parenting can sometimes feel like navigating a maze, especially when it comes to those late-night wake-up calls.
Just when you think you’ve nailed your baby’s sleep routine, they start waking up more often, crying out for you, and refusing to settle. If this sounds familiar, your little one might be experiencing separation anxiety at night.
In this guide, we’ll explore what separation anxiety is, why it tends to show up at night, and how you can help your baby (and yourself) get through it.
Understanding separation anxiety in babies
Separation distress is a normal, albeit challenging, part of a baby’s development. It typically begins to surface around six to eight months of age and can last until they are about two years old. During this period, babies start to form strong emotional bonds with their primary caregivers, and any separation can lead to feelings of distress and unease.
Definition of separation anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety disorder is a condition where a child experiences excessive fear and anxiety about being apart from their primary caregivers.
While it’s a common and expected stage in infant development, the intensity and duration can vary from one baby to another.
This phase is marked by a baby’s realisation that they are separate individuals from their parents. Before this developmental milestone, babies operate on the assumption that when something is out of sight, it no longer exists.
Once they grasp that their parents continue to exist even when not in view, they may become tense or worried about the potential for separation.
Your baby now understands the concept of absence, but not return. So, behaviours like clinginess, crying, and distress might ensue whenever their primary caregiver is out of sight.
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Why does separation anxiety happen in babies at night?
Nighttime presents a unique set of separation challenges.
During the day, numerous distractions and activities can keep a baby engaged and less focused in the absence of their caregiver.
However, at night, the world becomes quiet and the darkness can amplify a baby’s sense of vulnerability and loneliness. This can lead to attachment-related stress when they wake up and realise that their caregiver is not immediately visible or present.
Babies are also creatures of habit and routine. If they are used to falling asleep in your arms or with you nearby, waking up alone can be particularly jarring. The stark contrast between the comfort of being held and the solitude of waking up alone can bring unease.
Additionally, nighttime wakings are normal for babies, but during periods of separation distress, these wakings can become more frequent and upsetting.
The absence of their primary source of comfort in a dark, quiet environment can be overwhelming, causing them to cry out and seek reassurance.
Does separation anxiety affect my baby’s sleep?
When a baby worries bout being apart, they may wake up more frequently throughout the night and have difficulty settling back down without the reassurance of their caregiver’s presence.
This can lead to fragmented and disrupted sleep for both the baby and the parents.
Babies may have shorter sleep cycles and find it harder to transition between different stages of sleep. This disrupted sleep can result in more wake-ups, each one triggering a fresh wave of worry when they find themselves alone.
However, there are strategies to help manage anxiety and support your baby through this phase. We’ll get into these strategies in just a moment.
Signs and symptoms of separation anxiety
Recognising the signs of anxiety or separation discomfort can help you understand what your baby is going through and how best to support them. Here are some common signs and symptoms to look out for:
Increased clinginess: Your baby might want to be held more often and cry when you put them down.
Night wakings: They may wake up more frequently during the night, crying out for you and needing reassurance to go back to sleep.
Difficulty settling: Your baby might have trouble settling down for naps or bedtime, even if they previously had no issues.
Changes in appetite: Some babies may eat less or seem less interested in food.
Fear of strangers: They may show increased fear or anxiety around any new caregivers or people they don’t know well.
Mood changes: Your baby might be more irritable or easily upset during the day.
Does attachment-related stress happen to most babies? Yes. It’s a normal phase, and with the right support, your baby will navigate through it.
Developmental milestones and fear of separation
Separation anxiety often coincides with significant developmental milestones in your baby’s life and early childhood.
Object permanence
Around six to eight months, babies start to understand object permanence—the concept that people and objects still exist even when out of sight. This newfound awareness can make them more uneasy when you’re not around because they know you’re somewhere, just not with them.
Mobility
As babies start to crawl and later walk, they become more aware of their ability to move away from you. This increased mobility can paradoxically increase their fear of separation.
Language development
As babies understand and eventually use words, they become more aware of the world around them. This can lead to a greater understanding of separation and, therefore, more difficulty with being apart.
Social awareness
With growing social awareness, babies begin to understand the difference between familiar and unfamiliar people. This can lead to a preference for familiar caregivers and distress around strangers or new environments.
Tactics to support your little one
Separation anxiety requires a blend of patience, consistency, positive reinforcement, and reassurance.
Establish a consistent bedtime routine
A predictable bedtime routine can give your baby a sense of security and help them feel more at ease. Include calming activities like a warm bath, reading a story, or gentle rocking.
Comfort object
Introduce a comfort object, such as a favourite blanket or stuffed toy, which can also make them feel more secure when you’re not around.
Gradual separation
Practice short separations during the day to help your baby get used to being apart from you. Start with a few minutes and gradually increase the time as they become more comfortable, starting up your own goodbye ritual.
Stay calm and positive
Babies can pick up on your emotions, so stay calm and positive during separations. Your confidence will reassure them that everything is okay.
Reassure with your voice
If your baby wakes up at night, try to comfort them with your voice first. Sometimes just hearing your soothing voice can help them settle when they experience attachment-related stress without needing to pick them up.
Encourage independence
During the day, encourage independent play in a safe environment where your baby can explore while still knowing you are nearby.
Practice ‘peekaboo’ games
Simple games like peekaboo can help your baby understand that you will always come back, reinforcing the concept of object permanence in a fun and playful way.
Respond to their needs
While it’s important to encourage independence, responding promptly to your baby’s needs helps build their trust in you, knowing that you will be there when they need you.
Talk about it
Even though your baby may not fully understand, talking to them about what’s happening can be soothing. Explain that it’s bedtime, you’ll be nearby, and you’ll see them in the morning.
Handling nighttime separation anxiety
Nighttime can be particularly challenging when they experience fear of separation.
Here are some specific strategies to help you and your baby navigate through those difficult nights:
- Stay close initially: When putting your baby to bed, stay in the room until they are drowsy but not fully asleep. This helps them feel secure while learning to fall asleep on their own.
- Gradual withdrawal: If your baby gets uneasy when you leave the room, try a gradual withdrawal approach. Start by sitting next to the crib, then move a bit further away each night until you’re eventually out of the room – like a goodbye ritual.
- Nightlights: A soft nightlight can comfort your baby without being overly stimulating. It helps them feel more secure in the dark.
- White noise: A white noise machine can help mask household noises and create a soothing environment that mimics the sounds they heard in the womb.
- Reassure without over-engaging: If your baby wakes up at night, go to them and offer reassurance, but keep interactions brief and calm. Over-engaging can make it harder for them to go back to sleep.
- Sleep training methods: If attachment-related stress is severely impacting sleep, consider sleep training methods like the Ferber method or the chair method. These approaches teach your baby to self-soothe while still feeling secure.
- Avoid sudden changes: Try to avoid any sudden changes in their sleep environment or routine. Consistency is key.
- Comfort them quickly: Respond quickly to nighttime wake-ups, but try to comfort them in their crib rather than picking them up every time. This helps them associate their crib with safety and comfort.
- Create a sleep-friendly environment: Ensure the sleep environment is conducive to rest—cool, quiet, and comfortable. A well set up sleep space can make a big difference.
- Parental self-care: Even though this is a normal part of parenting, dealing with it can be exhausting. Make sure you are getting support and rest whenever possible.
When to seek professional help
While separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage, there are times when it might be necessary to seek professional help. These are a few reasons you may want to reach out to a healthcare provider:
Severe distress: If your baby is experiencing extreme distress that doesn’t improve with comforting and strategies, it might be time to consult a professional.
Impact on daily life: If separation challenges significantly affect your baby’s daily activities, such as eating, playing, or interacting with others, professional advice can be beneficial.
Sleep issues: Persistent sleep problems that don’t improve with interventions could warrant seeing a GP or a sleep specialist.
Parental stress: If you find your child or yourself feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or unable to cope, seeking support from a healthcare provider or a counsellor can be very helpful.
Developmental concerns: If you notice any other developmental concerns happening at the same time, such as delays in speech, motor skills, or social interactions, it’s important to seek professional guidance.
Persistent anxiety: If this persists beyond the typical age range (up to two years old is the separation anxiety peak) and shows no signs of improvement, it might be worth consulting a professional to rule out other underlying issues.
Your first point of contact should be your GP or paediatrician. They can provide guidance, refer you to specialists if needed, and offer reassurance that you’re taking the right steps to support your baby.
Sources
Medical News Today, Separation Anxiety in Babies, June 2021
Healthline, Separation Anxiety in Babies, July 2020
Parents, How To Handle Separation Anxiety in Babies, March 2024
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Nikki Stevenson
Follow +Nikki is a parenting writer and a mom to three wild boys who keep her on her toes (and occasionally make her question her sanity). With over 15 years of experience in the parenting industry, she has more tips and tricks than Mary Poppins on speed dial. When she's not typing away at her keyboard, you can find her sipping on coffee, hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of...