Mastering tween sleep habits: A guide for better rest

Tweens - the delightful age where your once cuddly, cherub-faced child morphs into a moody, pre-teen enigma. One minute, they’re bouncing off the walls with energy, and the next, they’re flat out on the couch, napping like a cat after school, only to reappear at bedtime claiming they’re not tired.

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Getting a tween to bed at a decent hour can feel like trying to wrestle an octopus into a jumper. They argue, they negotiate, and they’re convinced that staying up late is their birthright. And yet, come the weekend, they’re sleeping in until lunchtime like they’ve been pulling double shifts at a 24-hour café.

As parents, we’re often left scratching our heads, wondering if this sleep chaos is normal or if our tweens are secretly training to become professional night owls. But here’s the thing—those long lie-ins and after-school naps? They’re not just tween laziness; they’re actually part of a much bigger, biologically driven sleep shift. Tweens need more sleep than they let on, and their changing sleep patterns are just as much a part of growing up as the mood swings and sudden obsession with privacy.

So, if you’ve found yourself in the midst of the tween sleep saga, where getting them to bed is a nightly battle and their unpredictable sleep schedule has you questioning your own sanity, don’t worry—you’re not alone.

This guide is here to help you understand why your tween’s sleep patterns are changing, how much sleep they really need, and most importantly, how to guide them towards healthier sleep habits without losing your cool (or your own sleep, for that matter).

How much sleep do tweens need?

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Remember when your child was a toddler, and getting them to sleep was as simple as a bedtime story and a cuddle? Well, those days are over. Now that they’re tweens, their sleep needs have changed, and so have the challenges of ensuring they get enough rest.

So, how much sleep does a preteen really need? Experts recommend that tweens, typically aged between 9 and 12, get around 9 to 12 hours of sleep each night. Yes, you read that right—up to 12 hours! While this might seem like a luxury in today’s busy world, it’s actually crucial for their growth, brain development, and overall health.

But here’s the kicker—despite needing more sleep than ever, tweens are also more likely to resist going to bed on time. Their natural sleep-wake cycle shifts during these years, making them feel more awake later in the evening and, consequently, more tired in the morning.

This shift, known as a “sleep phase delay,” means that even if they do manage to crawl into bed at a reasonable hour, they might not fall asleep right away. Pair this with early school start times, and it’s no wonder your tween is begging for a nap the moment they walk through the door after school.

Understanding that your tween’s late-night energy isn’t just defiance but a normal part of their development can help you approach their sleep needs with more empathy—and maybe even a bit of humour.

After all, if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that a well-rested tween is far more pleasant to live with than a sleep-deprived one!

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Importance of sleep for tweens

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Sleep isn’t just downtime for your tween; it’s the key to their physical, emotional, and cognitive development. Here’s why those 9 to 12 hours of sleep are so crucial:

Brain power and academic performance

• Memory Consolidation: During sleep, the brain processes and stores information from the day, helping your tween retain what they’ve learned at school.
• Focus and Attention: A well-rested tween is better able to concentrate in class and complete their homework without getting distracted by every passing butterfly (or TikTok notification).

Physical growth and development

• Growth hormones: Sleep is when the body releases essential growth hormones, driving those overnight growth spurts and making sure they’re getting taller and stronger.
• Immune system boost: Adequate sleep supports a healthy immune system, helping your tween fend off the endless stream of schoolyard germs.

Emotional well-being

• Mood regulation: Sleep helps regulate emotions, which is a big deal during the tween years when hormones are running wild and mood swings are par for the course.
• Stress management: A good night’s sleep equips your tween to handle stress better, making them less likely to crumble over a forgotten maths assignment or a sibling’s annoying habit.

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Sleep challenges and consequences

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Tweens face a unique set of sleep challenges that can make bedtime a battleground and mornings a race against the clock. Let’s dive into why tweens struggle with sleep and the consequences of not getting enough hours of sleep.

Why tweens struggle to fall asleep

Sleep phase delay: As tweens approach puberty, their internal body clocks shift, making them naturally inclined to stay up later. This shift, known as “sleep phase delay,” means they don’t start feeling sleepy until later in the evening, which can make sticking to a reasonable bedtime tough.

Increased screen time: With homework, social media, and online gaming competing for attention, it’s no surprise that screens have become a major sleep disruptor. The blue light emitted from phones, tablets, and computers can suppress the production of melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate sleep.

Stress and anxiety: Whether it’s worrying about school, friendships, or the latest drama on social media, stress and anxiety can keep tweens tossing and turning long after the lights go out.

The risks of sleep deprivation

Cognitive impairment: Lack of sleep can affect your tween’s ability to concentrate, remember information, and solve problems, leading to poorer performance at school.

Emotional instability: Sleep-deprived tweens are more prone to mood swings, irritability, and emotional outbursts, making them harder to live with (and even harder to reason with).

Physical health issues: Chronic sleep deprivation can weaken the immune system, increase the risk of weight gain, and contribute to long-term health problems such as diabetes and heart disease.

Establishing healthy sleep habits

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Now that we’ve tackled the challenges of sleep problems, it’s time to focus on solutions. Helping your tween develop healthy sleep habits might feel like a Herculean task, but with a few key strategies, you can make bedtime less of a battle and more of a breeze.

Creating a sleep-conducive environment

• Set the mood: Create a bedroom environment that encourages sleep. This means dim lighting, a comfortable mattress, and a cool, quiet room. Blackout curtains can help block out any early morning light, and white noise machines can drown out disruptive sounds (like the neighbour’s dog that seems to bark at everything).
• Limit screen time: Encourage your tween to switch off screens at least an hour before bed. Instead of scrolling through Instagram or playing video games, suggest activities more conducive to winding down, like reading a book or listening to calming music. The brain activity that these bring on can cause sleep problems.
• Declutter the bedroom: A cluttered room can lead to a cluttered mind. Encourage your tween to keep their space tidy, so it feels like a peaceful retreat rather than a chaotic mess.

Developing a bedtime routine to get enough sleep

• Consistency is key: Try to maintain a consistent bedtime and wake-up time, even on weekends. This helps regulate your tween’s internal clock and makes it easier for them to fall asleep and wake up naturally.
• Wind-down rituals: Establish a relaxing bedtime routine that signals to your tween’s body that it’s time to sleep. This could include adding a warm bath or shower, reading a chapter of a book, or practising some gentle stretches to their regular sleep schedule.
• Limit caffeine and sugar: Keep an eye on what your tween is consuming in the hours before bedtime. Caffeine (especially energy drinks) and sugary snacks can interfere with sleep, so try to avoid them in the late and early afternoon and evening for better sleep.

Managing sleep disruptions

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Even with the best sleep environment and routine, disruptions can still occur and make them feel tired.

• Nightmares: These are common during the tween years, often triggered by stress or anxiety. If your tween frequently wakes up from bad dreams, encourage them to talk about what’s bothering them. Providing reassurance and helping them develop positive pre-sleep thoughts can reduce the frequency of nightmares and sleep deprivation.
• Sleep Terrors: Unlike nightmares, sleep terrors happen during deep sleep and can be more alarming. Your tween may scream, thrash, or appear terrified, but usually won’t remember the episode in the morning. If sleep terrors are frequent, focus on maintaining a consistent bedtime routine and ensuring they’re getting enough sleep (oh the irony), as sleep deprivation can make terrors more likely.

When to seek professional help

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Sometimes, despite your best efforts, sleep issues persist. If your tween is consistently struggling to get enough sleep, or if sleep disruptions are affecting their daily life, it might be time to consult a professional.

• Sleep disorders: Sleep disorders like sleep apnoea, insomnia, or restless legs syndrome can interfere with your tween’s sleep. If you notice signs such as loud snoring, pauses in breathing, or chronic difficulty falling asleep, speak with your GP for advice.
• Emotional or behavioural issues: If stress, anxiety, or other emotional challenges are keeping your tween awake, consider consulting a therapist or counsellor. They can help your tween develop coping strategies and address the underlying issues impacting their sleep deprivation and poor sleep habits.

Sources

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Raising Children, School-age and pre-teen sleep: what to expect, December 2022

The University of Melbourne, Good sleep is key to pre-teen mental health, April 2023

Understood, 8 ways to help tweens and teens get on a school sleep schedule, n.d