The importance of rough-and-tumble play
As experts learn more about how kids' brains work, we parents discover simple routines and rituals that benefit their emotional, physical, and mental health.
One of these is rough and tumble play — a type of play that fits easily into your everyday routine, has numerous benefits, and can even help make bedtime a little easier. We spoke to parenting expert Gen Muir to find out more about rough-and-tumble play, why it benefits kids, and how to incorporate it into our lives.
What is rough-and-tumble play?
“Rough and tumble play is about the dance between play and gentle aggression,” Gen told us, continuing, “It can be anything from a gentle wrestle to a boisterous pillow fight to tickling your child while you smother them with hundreds of little kisses!”
When we think of this type of play, we might think more about siblings hyping each other up or dangerous types of play — but that’s a misconception.
“Parents often think that rough and tumble play is dangerous and will make children more aggressive or hype them up too much before bed. It actually has the opposite effect. It helps children develop their social skills, better manage their emotions, and even calms them down before bedtime.”
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Why is rough-and-tumble play important for kids?
It’s not magic, there’s science behind this type of physical play and how it benefits our kids.
Gen told us, “There is a lot of evidence to suggest that children actually learn how to be gentler through rough and tumble play. Research also shows that it improves balance, coordination, strength, and agility, as well as social and nonverbal communication skills.”
It can also benefit kids’ emotional health, with evidence suggesting that children who play in a rough and tumble manner learn to manage their emotions and self-regulate faster than those who don’t.
Gen says this makes rough and tumble play, “Great for children who may not understand their own strength when playing with others. They can really benefit from this type of play as they learn how to be gentle and understand where the limits are.”
Rough and tumble play at different ages and stages
Even a child as young as 6 months can engage in this type of play with a gentle, playful tickle — but when you start is completely up to you and your child.
“The time to introduce rough and tumble play depends on your child. The important thing is to look for what we call a serve and return. You serve the idea of playful aggression like a raspberry on their tummy, and then wait for your child to gesture that they enjoyed it and want you to do it again. Even children who don’t yet have formal language are able to communicate that they want this game to continue. Reading social cues is vital as the backbone to all rough play, this process improves communication too.”
Some of the earliest types of rough-and-tumble play are those that come naturally to parents.
“Smothering your child with kisses is the easiest way to start introducing rough and tumble play to your baby or toddler. Babies love it when we pretend to ‘eat their feet’ or blow raspberries on their tummies. As your baby heads towards 12 months or older, a game where you bump them up and down on your lap like they are riding a horse can also bring fits of giggles. Throwing them up in the air with gusto will bring cries of ‘more.’”
Once your baby enters the toddler stage, they might start to enjoy more of this type of play. Gen suggests reading your child’s cues for ‘more’ and following their lead as they initiate play.
At this stage you can try, “more interactive activities like a competitive arm wrestle, a laughter-filled pillow fight, throwing them in the air, wrapping them up like a ‘burrito’ in their doona’, play fighting in the garden, pretending to be a monster who is going to ‘eat all the kids up.’ These are all beneficial to children’s social and emotional development.”
If you have a kid who is quite cautious or just showing signs they don’t love rough-and-tumble play, there are plenty of ways to make things more gentle.
“One of the best variations that parents have told me they find effective is chasing your child all the way into their room and giving them a tickle before bed. Another variation is a good ol’ friendly pillow fight. Pillow fights are a great way to settle your children before bed, but can also be a great way to start your day to unleash some of their excited energy before they walk out the door.”
When is the best time for rough and tumble play?
We all know bedtime can be a major challenge at all ages — for parents and children alike.
If that’s you, it’s worth giving some pre-bedtime rough-and-tumble play a shot to see how it changes your kid’s mood before bed.
“Despite some parents thinking that rough and tumble play will hype kids up too much before bedtime, this is actually the best time to incorporate this type of play into your routine as it helps children settle down faster before bed, helping you and your child get the rest you deserve.”
The other benefit of making rough and tumble play a pre-bedtime ritual is that it fits neatly into a family’s busy day without having to carve out time. As a mum of four and business owner, Gen knows that challenge all too well.
“As parents we are all busy, and at the end of a long day it can be hard to motivate yourself to turn up the energy and play with your child.
My advice to parents who struggle with this is to try and use play to your advantage as much as you can. A really effective way to do this is through ‘In It To Win It’ play. If your child leaves a mess behind everywhere they go say “I bet you can’t put all those toys away in 30 seconds” and start counting down, chances are they will want to prove you wrong and start doing a speedy clean up for you!”
She went on, “Knowing how important play is for children’s growth and development but understanding just how time-poor and overwhelmed today’s parents are, BabyLove Nappies approached me to develop the ‘5 a Day of Play’ guide. The five core play concepts that are explored in this guide are: Messy World Play, Me & You Play, Rough & Tumble Play, In It To Win It Play and Let’s Get Silly Play.”
Rough and tumble play: A simple way to create harmony
It might seem counterintuitive but a little rough and tumble play at the end of a long day can make bedtime far simpler and more enjoyable for the whole family.
This doesn’t have to be complicated or pre-planned, even five minutes spent tickling or pillow fighting can make a world of difference.
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