There’s an old saying that you’re the best kind of mum – until you actually become one. We all go in with the best of intentions, but the reality is most of us are just surviving, one day at a time, because you quickly realise that being a mum is really bloody hard. Well for most of us that is… except for a chosen few. We all know them, usually our mother’s group consist of one or two of them and there’s often a couple circling at the playground.
The Insta mum
She never has a hair out of place and somehow manages to find time to have it freshly blow-dried. She’s never without a spray tan or mani pedi and is decked out in head-to-toe designer gear. You will never see this mama with a banana stain or poo smear- not even on her kids for that matter. Her house looks like it could be in a magazine, her family only eat home-cooked meals, her husband is their kids’ #hero and the family always spend the summer in Europe. Yep, her kids are the perfect little travellers and sleep like a dream in hotels – or so her insta feed will lead you to believe.
The Wholesome Mum
Don’t whip out the iPad or your store bought play-dough or plastic toys in front of this mama. She is all about going back to basics and her kids prefer to enjoy their time playing with their minimalist selection of Montessori style wooden toys. When it comes to food, processed sugar is the devil. Her kids will eat from homegrown or market fresh vegetables and she always finds time to make her own bone broth. On the weekends the family choose vinyl records over television or digital devices. She will tell you that all her kids wore cloth nappies and the youngest is still breastfeeding. She usually drinks Kombucha instead of caffeine but if she does splurge on a turmeric latte, she never forgets her keep-cup.
While you may be struggling to remember your pin number or little one’s middle name, this mama is busy building an empire at the same time as managing the household. She’s usually on her email or rushing off to take a phone call – she’s all about the hustle. She has boundless energy that will leave you wanting in on ‘whatever she’s having’. Regardless of what this mama is juggling, she still manages to turn up for any meet-up or event… although it’s usually with a large double shot coffee in tow.
The Stepford Mum
She remembers everyone’s birthday and brings fresh baked brownies to every catch up. She’s a self-proclaimed parenting expert and is always dishing out advice on everything from your haemorrhoids (how does she even know you have them?) to why your baby STILL isn’t sleeping through the night – whether you asked for it or not. Her kid is already singing nursery rhymes in French and is on track to run a marathon, even though he has only recently taken his first steps. You find yourself with an overwhelming urge to tell this mum to back off – but only after you eat one of her chocolate brownies of course.
The Fit Mum
She’s that rare breed of mum who is in her active wear because she actually went to the gym. She’s super-fit after three kids and doesn’t have an ounce of body fat to her name. She somehow manages to get out of the house at 5am to go for a run and is back in time to whip up the morning smoothies for the tribe. When she is stuck at home with the kids, she still managed to do squats in the kitchen while preparing lunches or those healthy snacks her kids carry wherever they go.
The ‘Keeping it Real’ Mum
She’s always running half an hour late because she only got a few hours sleep last night and there’s usually a suspicious looking stain on her shirt. She knows she should take her Frank Green cup when she gets her coffee but always forgets it. She wants to be informed on current affairs but the new season of ‘The Letdown’ has just started. She tries to feed her kids home cooked meals but usually ends up feeding them frozen meals or Vegemite sandwiches. She wants to love spending hours playing with her kids in the park but usually ends up scrolling Instagram and drinking her coffee in peace. You just want to give this mum a high-five as you can totally relate.
He’s the token dude on paternal leave that you’ll find in the park kicking it with the ladies. It’s 2018 after all and he’s all about equality. He works nights in IT and can fix your broken iPhone for free or talk you down from an emotional ledge with a healthy dose of male perspective – until the talk turns to cracked nipples and discharge and then he disappears quicker than you can say cabbage leaves. He is one of those ‘fun’ dads that makes every day an adventure. Whether it’s playing dress ups and heading out dressed in character, going to the beach or exploring a new park. This dad is fun with a capital F and knows how to break the rules when it means squeezing that little extra zest out of the day. … and then there’s you.
Sure some days you might think you should enrol your kid in French lessons before it’s too late. Some days you try baking banana bread from scratch, or you finally make that Pilates class. Maybe you come up with a genius side-hustle in the dead of the night when you’re rocking your little one back to sleep. Remember, our parents and parents’ parents raised us without all the activities and social pressure that we put on ourselves today. Sure there were some questioning parenting techniques back in the day but as long as your kids are safe, fed and loved that’s really all that matters.