What’s the best parenting style? Here's what the research says

Kiindred

Brought to you by the Kiindred Editors. Our team are committed to researching and writing on all the things we know you will want to know about, at each stage of your pregnancy and parenthood journey.

See more articles by Kiindred

Follow +

Medically reviewed by Nikki Stevenson

Updated on Oct 31, 2024 · 20 mins read

Follow +

What’s the best parenting style? Here's what the research says

Read later

Up next

Lifestyle

“You Are Here” reminds us what really matters in the early years

Lifestyle

Your no-stress travel packing list: What to pack (and what to ditch)

In this article

Parenting is one of the most complex and rewarding jobs in the world, yet there’s no rulebook holding our hand.

Every child is different, every family dynamic is unique, and every parent brings their own experiences and beliefs into the mix.

With so much up in the air, it’s natural to ask: What is the most effective parenting style? How do you find the right one for your family?

In this article, we’ll explore various parenting styles, the pros and cons of each, and how you can figure out the best approach for both you and your children.

69466Understandingparentingstyles2

Understanding parenting styles

Parenting styles, to put it simply, refer to how a parent raises their kids; the strategies, techniques and disciplinary methods.

These methods affect your child’s emotional development and shape their behaviour, academic performance, self-esteem, and social skills. They play a huge role in who your little one becomes.

Psychologist Diana Baumrind introduced the concept of parenting styles in the 1960s, and her research has since been expanded on to identify four main types of parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful.

Parenting styles typically fall on a spectrum of two major factors:

Responsiveness: The extent to which parents are sensitive and supportive to their child’s emotional and developmental needs.
Demandingness: The degree of control or discipline a parent uses to guide their child’s behaviour and actions.

Each parenting style represents a different balance of these two factors, with distinct effects on children’s development.

16Weeks baby

15Weeks baby

20Weeks baby

69466CharacteristicsofEffectiveParenting3

Characteristics of Effective Parenting

Effective parenting is a blend of warmth, responsiveness, and clear boundaries. Among the different parenting styles, authoritative parents tend to excel in promoting positive child outcomes. These parents strike a balance between being nurturing and setting high expectations, which fosters social competence, emotional intelligence, and academic achievement in their children.

One of the hallmarks of effective parenting is a strong, positive relationship with the child. This relationship is built on mutual respect and open communication, which are critical for healthy child development. Research has shown that children of authoritative parents tend to exhibit lower levels of behavior problems, such as aggression and delinquency, compared to those raised by permissive or authoritarian parents.

Effective parents are also highly involved in their child’s education. They set high expectations and provide the support needed to meet those expectations. This involvement is associated with better academic performance and a greater sense of responsibility in children. By combining warmth, responsiveness, and clear boundaries, authoritative parents create an environment where their children can thrive.

69466Authoritativeparenting4

Authoritative parenting

The authoritative parenting style is widely considered the most balanced and effective style. Parents who follow this style are both responsive and demanding. They set clear rules and boundaries but are also nurturing, supportive, and willing to explain the reasons behind their expectations.

In a well-known study by Steinberg, Dornbusch, and Brown (1992), over 11,000 adolescents were surveyed, and it was found that those raised by authoritative parents had the best academic performance, higher self-esteem, and lower levels of “delinquency” (so to speak) compared to kids raised in other parenting styles.

These parents encourage open communication, allow independence (within limits), and use positive reinforcement to guide behaviour. Authoritative parents are neither overly strict nor too lenient – they strike that sweet spot in between. They also know how to pivot and adapt their strategies based on their child’s personality and developmental stage.

Key traits:

High expectations balanced with emotional support
Open communication and dialogue
Encouragement of independence and critical thinking
Consistent enforcement of boundaries

Pros:

Fosters independence and self-discipline
Kids raised in authoritative households are encouraged to think for themselves and take responsibility for their actions. By striking a balance between guidance and autonomy, authoritative parents foster a strong sense of self-reliance in their children. This independence helps children become confident decision-makers and problem-solvers as they grow older.
Promotes emotional intelligence and social skills
Authoritative parenting encourages open dialogue between parents and children, which helps children learn how to express their emotions and navigate social situations. Because they grow up in a supportive environment that values communication, children of authoritative parents often develop strong emotional intelligence and social competence.
Creates a strong parent-child relationship based on trust and respect
In authoritative households, parents are both firm and warm, creating an environment where trust and mutual respect thrive. Children feel secure knowing they have their parents’ support, and this helps foster a healthy parent-child bond. Open communication also ensures that children feel heard and understood, which deepens the relationship over time.
Associated with higher academic achievement and well-being
Numerous studies have shown that children raised by authoritative parents tend to perform better academically. This is likely because the balance of high expectations and emotional support encourages children to reach their full potential. Furthermore, the positive emotional environment in authoritative households is linked to better mental health outcomes and overall well-being.

Cons:

Requires a lot of time and emotional energy from parents
Authoritative parenting demands a high level of involvement and emotional engagement from parents. Maintaining open lines of communication, setting clear rules, and providing consistent emotional support can be time-consuming and exhausting, especially for parents juggling multiple responsibilities.
Can be difficult to maintain consistency, especially during stressful times
Life’s challenges, such as work stress or family issues, can make it difficult for parents to consistently apply the principles of authoritative parenting. It can be hard to remain patient, communicative, and emotionally supportive when dealing with personal struggles, which can lead to inconsistencies in parenting.

69466Authoritarianparenting5

Authoritarian parenting

On the other end of the spectrum lies the authoritarian parenting style, characterised by high demand and low responsiveness.

Authoritarian parents tend to have strict rules and expect obedience without question. They place a strong emphasis on discipline and control, often using punishment as a means of enforcing their authority.

According to Baumrind’s research (1967), authoritarian parenting can lead to well-behaved children who respect authority, but it can also result in low self-esteem, anxiety, and dependence on external validation.

A more recent study by Chao (1994), which examined Asian-American families, found that while authoritarian parenting led to high academic achievement, it also caused significant emotional strain on children. So there’s a pretty clear psychological cost of this style.

These parents may be less likely to consider their child’s opinions or feelings when making decisions, and they typically provide little warmth or emotional support in their parenting practices.

Key traits:

Emphasis on strict rules and discipline
Little flexibility or negotiation
Use of punishment over guidance
Low emotional warmth and nurturing

Pros:

Creates well-behaved children who respect authority
Authoritarian parents emphasise discipline and obedience, and as a result, children raised in these households tend to be well-behaved and respectful of authority figures.
Provides clear rules and structure, which can create a sense of security
Children in authoritarian homes know exactly what is expected of them because the rules are clear and enforced consistently. This sense of structure can help children feel secure – they know the boundaries around them.
Can be effective in highly structured environments like school or sports
In environments where discipline and order are important, such as school or competitive sports, authoritarian parenting can instil a sense of discipline that may help children excel. The focus on obedience and rule-following can translate well to these contexts.

Cons:

May lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, or rebellion
The lack of emotional warmth and focus on discipline in authoritarian households can lead to low self-esteem in children. They may internalise the idea that their worth is tied to their ability to obey rules. Furthermore, the strictness of this style may cause anxiety or, conversely, lead to rebellion as kids fight for independence (as they inevitability do).
Stifles creativity and independence
Authoritarian parents often expect their children to follow rules without question, leaving little room for creativity or independent thinking. This can limit a child’s ability to solve problems on their own, think critically, or develop unique perspectives.
Limits the child’s ability to make decisions and solve problems on their own
Because authoritarian parents make most decisions for their children, kids may struggle to develop decision-making skills or problem-solving abilities. They can rely too heavily on being told what to do.

69466Permissiveparenting6

Permissive parenting

The permissive parenting style is marked by high responsiveness but low demand. This style is warm and loving, and parents are highly involved in their children’s lives. On the downside, they set very few rules and limits. They avoid confrontation and let their children make most decisions, even at a young age.

Research by Maccoby and Martin (1983) found that children raised by permissive parents tended to struggle with self-discipline and often had issues with authority.

Despite the warmth and supportive parents during child rearing in permissive households, the lack of structure can lead to impulsive behaviour and difficulty managing responsibilities.

While permissive parents are supportive and nurturing, their lack of structure and guidance can mean their children struggle with self-discipline, respect for authority, and boundaries.

Key traits:

Very few rules or expectations
High levels of warmth and emotional support
Avoidance of conflict and confrontation
Encouragement of autonomy without sufficient structure

Pros:

Fosters a close, loving relationship between parent and child
Permissive parents are warm and nurturing which fosters a deep bond between parent and child. Children feel loved and valued (very important).
Encourages creativity and independence
Permissive parenting allows children to explore their creativity and make their own decisions without being constrained by strict rules. Children develop their individuality and sense of independence from a young age.
Children may feel more comfortable expressing their opinions and feelings
In permissive households, kids are encouraged to voice their thoughts and feelings openly. This can lead to strong communication skills and the ability to express emotions effectively.

Cons:

Lack of boundaries can lead to issues with authority and self-discipline
While permissive parents are supportive, their lack of structure can make kids struggle with self-discipline and respect for authority. Without clear rules and expectations, children might have difficulty learning how to manage their behaviour or adhere to societal norms.
Children may struggle with responsibility or managing their emotions
The freedom permissive parenting allows can make it harder for children to learn about responsibility and the consequences of their actions. They may also struggle to regulate their emotions, as they are less likely to have boundaries that teach self-control.
Can result in behavioural problems if limits are not set
Without sufficient boundaries, children in permissive households may develop behavioural problems. This can manifest as defiance, impulsivity, or difficulty following rules in settings like school.

69466Neglectfulparenting7

Neglectful parenting

The final style, the neglectful parenting style, is characterized by low responsiveness and low demand.

Neglectful parents can be uninvolved, disengaged, or indifferent to their child’s needs. They give little supervision or guidance, leaving their child to fend for themselves in many situations.

A study by Lamborn et al. (1991) showed that children raised by neglectful parents exhibited the worst outcomes across all areas, including academic performance, self-esteem, and emotional well-being. These kids often struggle with forming relationships and regulating their emotions due to the lack of parental involvement and emotional support.

This neglectful parenting style can have serious negative consequences for a child’s development. Children raised in neglectful environments may struggle with forming relationships, self-esteem, and emotional regulation.

Key traits:

Little involvement in the child’s life
Lack of emotional support or guidance
Minimal rules or expectations
Often focused on their own needs over their child’s

Pros:

Children may develop a high degree of independence and self-reliance
In the absence of parental involvement, children raised by neglectful parents often learn to take care of themselves at an early age. This can raise their independence and self-reliance.
Very little conflict between parent and child
Since neglectful parents are disengaged and often indifferent to their children’s lives, there is little opportunity for conflict. Children in these households may feel free to do as they please without fear of punishment or interference.

Cons:

Lack of guidance and support can result in poor emotional regulation
Children of neglectful parents do not receive the emotional support they need to learn how to regulate their feelings. Without guidance, they may struggle with managing emotions such as anger, sadness, or frustration, which can impact their social relationships and mental health.
Children may struggle with self-esteem and forming relationships
The lack of involvement from neglectful parents can lead to feelings of abandonment or unworthiness in children. They may internalise these feelings, leading to low self-esteem and difficulty forming healthy, trusting relationships later in life.
Increased risk of behavioural problems and academic underachievement
Without parental oversight or involvement, children may lack the motivation to succeed academically or follow rules. This can result in behavioural problems and poor performance in school, as they have not been taught the value of discipline or hard work.

69466Subtypesofparentingstyles8

Sub-types of parenting styles

While the four main parenting styles provide a general framework, real-life parenting is often more nuanced. Many parents find they blend or shift between styles based on the situation or their child’s needs.

Free-range parenting

Free-range parenting is all about giving children the freedom to explore and take risks, with minimal parental supervision. Parents who follow this approach believe that kids should learn through hands-on experience, develop independence, and solve problems on their own.

A study suggests that children raised with a free-range approach develop stronger problem-solving skills and handle risk and uncertainty better. However, critics argue that this style may expose children to unsafe situations if not managed carefully.

Helicopter parenting

Helicopter parenting speaks to parents who are overly involved in their child’s life, often hovering closely to monitor and control their actions. This approach stems from a desire to protect children from failure or harm (which we can all relate to), but it can mean they struggle with independence and resilience.

A study found that helicopter parenting could hinder a child’s ability to develop autonomy and self-confidence, with adult children of helicopter parents showing higher levels of anxiety and dependency.

Snowplough parenting

Snowplough parenting takes helicopter parenting a step further. Snowplough parents not only hover but actively clear any obstacles in their child’s path. These parents are highly protective, often intervening to prevent their child from experiencing challenges, discomfort, or failure.

Although research indicates that snowplough parenting can lead to high achievement in certain areas like academics, it also suggests that children raised this way may struggle with failure and lack essential coping skills.

Lighthouse parenting

Lighthouse parenting is a more balanced approach that combines elements of authoritative and free-range parenting. Lighthouse parents act as guides, offering a solid foundation of support and safety while still letting their kids freely navigate the world.

In a 2013 study, it was found that children of lighthouse parents were more likely to develop resilience, independence, and critical thinking skills because they had both the support and the freedom to grow.

Attachment parenting

Attachment parenting focuses on nurturing a deep emotional bond between parent and child. This approach often involves co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand, and babywearing. Parents who follow attachment parenting believe that close physical and emotional contact in the early years leads to secure, confident children.

Research by Ainsworth, who studied attachment theory extensively, supports the idea that strong early bonds contribute to emotional security later in life. However, some critics argue that attachment parenting can make it difficult to establish boundaries as children grow older.

Tiger parenting

Popularised by Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, tiger parenting is a very demanding and strict style (as the name might suggest) with a big focus on academic success and discipline. Tiger parents push their children to excel in all areas, often with rigorous schedules and high expectations.

In a study conducted by Kim et al. (2013), it was found that tiger parenting encourages high academic achievement but also has potential downsides, including stress and anxiety in children.

69466Whatisthemostsuccessfulparentingstyle9

What is the most successful parenting style?

Research shows that authoritative parenting tends to be the most “successful” style across cultures and backgrounds.

This approach balances high expectations and emotional responsiveness, creating an environment where children can thrive academically and emotionally.

One study that supports this is a 2009 research paper by Rodriguez, Donovick, and Crowley, published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies. The researchers explored how parenting styles affected self-regulation and academic performance in college students. The findings revealed that students raised by authoritative parents displayed better self-regulation and higher academic achievement compared to those raised in authoritarian or permissive households.

Why? The authoritative balance of nurturing support and clear expectations, helps children develop crucial skills like self-discipline and emotional resilience.

These results are consistent with broader research that highlights how authoritative parenting fosters well-rounded development, including better social skills, higher self-esteem, and stronger academic performance.

However, it’s important to note that no single parenting style is a one-size-fits-all solution. What works for one family or child may not be as effective for another. The key is to be flexible, responsive to your child’s needs, and willing to adapt your parenting strategies over time. Your family is unique, embrace it.

69466Howtoknowwhichparentingstylesuitsyou10

How to know which parenting style suits you

Choosing a parenting style is a deeply personal decision, influenced by your own upbringing, values, and personality. Here are some factors to consider when figuring out which parenting style suits you best:

Your values: Do you prioritise discipline and structure, or are you more focused on fostering independence and creativity? Your core values will naturally shape your parenting approach.
Your temperament: Some parents are naturally more laid-back, while others are more comfortable with rules and structure. Your parenting style should align with your personality to feel authentic and sustainable.
Your family dynamic: If both parents are involved, it’s important to find a style you both feel comfortable with. Inconsistency between parents can confuse children and lead to conflict.
Your child’s needs: Some kids thrive with more structure, while others need more freedom to explore. Understanding your child’s temperament and developmental needs should guide your approach.

69466Whichparentingstylesuitsyourchildren11

Which parenting style suits your children

It’s not just about what suits you – the most effective parenting style is also one that fits your child’s personality and needs. Children are individuals with their own temperaments, strengths, and weaknesses, and they may respond better to certain approaches.

Sensitive or anxious children often do well with authoritative parenting, as it gives both the structure they crave and the emotional support they need.
Highly independent children may thrive under a free-range or permissive approach, as long as there are still clear boundaries in place.
Strong-willed or stubborn children may require more structure.
Creative or highly curious children often benefit from a parenting style that encourages exploration and self-expression, such as permissive or lighthouse parenting.

69466ParentinginthemodernworldAdaptingtonewchallenges12

Parenting in the modern world: Adapting to new challenges

Parenting has taken new forms over the latest generations, thanks to the blitzing pace of technological advancement, shifting family structures, and much-needed raised awareness of mental and emotional well-being. It feels like we’re living in a ‘different time’ every five years!

While the core principles of different parenting styles remain the same, modern parents face a unique set of challenges.

1. The impact of technology and social media

One of the most profound changes to parenting in recent years has been the influence of technology (shocker). Today’s children are growing up in a digital world where there’s a screen around every corner. From smartphones and tablets to social media and gaming, technology shapes how we set boundaries and interact with our kids.

For example, many parents now have to balance screen time limits with educational use of technology. Some adopt a more authoritative approach, setting clear rules around screen time but letting their kids use technology for learning and creativity. Others, who may lean toward permissive parenting, might struggle to enforce boundaries, leading to concerns about overexposure to social media. Suddenly, your kid starts speaking TikTok and you don’t know what they’re saying.

Parents today are also navigating social media’s impact on their children. Many children are exposed to unrealistic standards, bullying, and peer pressure online. It’s like the toxic magazines we grew up with, but on full blast.

How parents respond to these challenges can shape their child’s emotional development. Open communication is key, and many parents now find themselves having to educate their children on digital safety, privacy, and healthy self-image – topics previous generations were far more sheltered on.

2. Changing family dynamics

Family structures have totally been flipped on their head. Today, we see a greater diversity in household setups, from single-parent households to blended families and same-sex parent families.

In single-parent households, the demands on a parent’s time can be greater. This can lead to a more authoritarian or neglectful style, especially when parents juggle work and home responsibilities.

On the other hand, blended families might lean into authoritative parenting to establish new rules and foster open dialogue between stepchildren and new parental figures.

Same-sex parents challenge traditional gender roles in parenting. These families may adopt a more egalitarian style, where both partners share responsibilities equally, creating an environment that promotes collaboration and emotional understanding.

3. The rise of conscious and mindful parenting

A newer trend among modern parents is the rise of conscious and mindful parenting. Unlike traditional parenting styles, mindful parenting focuses on being emotionally present, practising empathy, and fostering emotional intelligence in children (we love!)

Parents aim to model emotional regulation and focus on their children’s emotional needs. This is somewhat aligned with the authoritative style but with an added emphasis on mindfulness and reducing stress in both the parent and child.

Mindful parenting can help children develop better coping mechanisms, focus, and emotional well-being

For many parents today, the goal isn’t just to raise well-behaved children but to nurture emotionally resilient and mentally healthy individuals.

4. Work-life balance and parenting

In today’s fast-paced world, parents often face the challenge of balancing work and family life. With dual-income households being the norm (#cossielives), many parents struggle to find time to connect meaningfully with their children. Work-from-home arrangements, popularised during the pandemic, have added a new layer of complexity, as parents now need to manage their professional lives alongside their parenting duties without clear boundaries between the two.

Parents often find themselves shifting between styles depending on how much time or energy they have on a given day. When overwhelmed, even parents who generally follow the authoritative approach might lean more toward permissive or authoritarian parenting as they try to manage their workload.

Modern parents are seeking new ways to prioritise quality family time, whether that means scheduling regular family activities or creating tech-free zones in the home.

5. The role of mental health in parenting

Mental health is now a major consideration in many parenting decisions, with more and more parents prioritising their children’s emotional well-being alongside their physical health and education.

We’re focusing on teaching kids emotional regulation, stress management, and resilience. In fact, some parents are more intentional about creating open channels of communication with their children so they feel safe discussing their feelings. This aligns closely with authoritative parenting, which emphasises emotional support and open dialogue.

In other good news, parents are now more likely to seek therapy or counselling for their children if they notice signs of anxiety, depression, or behavioural issues.