10 ways to create a safe and supportive home for LGBTQ+ kids and teens

We live in a scary time for LGBTQ+ kids and teens. After years of steady progress in acceptance and inclusion (legalising gay marriage for a start), it can be really disheartening to see world leaders taking backward steps.

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It’s so important as parents that we show our kids and the LGBTQ+ community at large that we’re here for them. 

This starts with simply creating a safe and supportive home for LGBTQ+ kids and teens. It’s absolutely crucial for their mental health and overall well-being. 

Studies have shown that LGBTQ+ youth are at a higher risk for mental health challenges, including depression and anxiety, often due to experiences of discrimination and lack of acceptance. In Australia, more than 90% of LGBTQ+ young people reported high or very high levels of psychological distress.

However, research indicates that strong family support can significantly reduce these risks. For instance, LGBTQ+ youth with high family support have lower odds of reporting a suicide attempt.

1. Educate yourself

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Understanding the diverse experiences and identities within the LGBTQ+ community is a vital first step. Familiarising yourself with terminology and issues faced by LGBTQ+ individuals can help you provide informed and empathetic support. 

It means the honus doesn’t fall on your child to self-advocate alone or validate their experiences to you. Instead, you become a place of support and love, not even more questioning. 

This ultimately encourages a far more inclusive atmosphere at home.

Minus18 offers a wealth of information tailored for parents and guardians, helping you navigate topics related to gender diversity and sexual orientation.

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2. Foster open communication

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Creating a space where your child feels comfortable expressing themselves is essential. Encourage open dialogues about their feelings, experiences, and identity.

• Listen actively: Show genuine interest and empathy. Sometimes, just being there to listen can provide immense comfort.
• Ask open-ended questions: This invites your child or teen to share more about their thoughts and feelings, reinforcing that you’re there to support them.
• Validate their emotions: Acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Let them know it’s okay to feel the way they do, no matter how confusing it may feel.

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3. Use affirming language

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Respecting your child’s chosen name and pronouns is a powerful way to show acceptance. It might take time to adjust, and that’s okay. What’s important is making a consistent effort.

Tip: If you’re unsure about someone’s pronouns, it’s okay to ask politely. For example, “Can you remind me which pronouns you use?”

Rage-baiting media can convince us that if we don’t get someone’s pronouns right, cancel culture will be on our heels. 

In truth, the queer community has a lot of patience and understanding for the stumbles we might take trying to get pronouns right – as long as you’re trying and approaching it with a kind and open mind.

4. Stand against discrimination

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Your child looks to you for protection and advocacy. Standing up against homophobia, transphobia, and any form of discrimination sends a clear message that you support them unconditionally.

Action step: Educate family members about the importance of using correct pronouns and respecting your child’s identity. If someone consistently refuses to do so, it may be necessary to set boundaries to protect your child’s well-being.

5. Connect with supportive communities

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Engaging with LGBTQ+ communities can give you and your kid greater support and a sense of belonging.

Some Aussie organisations you can reach out to include:

• Rainbow Families: A volunteer organisation offering support to LGBTQ+ parents and their children. They provide resources and community connections to help families thrive. 
• Transcend Australia: Offers support and information for parents and carers of transgender, gender diverse, and non-binary children. 

6. Advocate for inclusive environments

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While some schools are more accepting, so many schools and other community spaces still really lag behind when it comes to LGBTQ+ inclusion practices. 

Advocate for inclusive spaces for your child or teen by following some of these steps:

• Engage with schools: Encourage the implementation of programs that support LGBTQ+ students.
• Healthcare settings: Seek out medical professionals who are knowledgeable and respectful of LGBTQ+ issues.
• Community involvement: Participate in local events and initiatives that promote inclusivity.

7. Celebrate their identity

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It might seem obvious, but show your child that their identity is something to be proud of. Make sure you celebrate milestones and get your family to participate in events that honour the LGBTQ+ community. 

Try some of these:

• Attend pride events together: Participating in these events can be a wonderful celebration of your teen’s identity.
• Learn about LGBTQ+ history: Exploring the rich history of the LGBTQ+ community together can give you all a deeper understanding and appreciation of the challenges they’ve faced over the years.

8. Seek professional support when needed

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As a parent, sometimes you just want to wrap your child up in a giant hug and take away all their pain, but realistically this isn’t always the solution. Oftentimes, we need to turn to expert help/ 

Finding a therapist who is experienced with LGBTQ+ issues can provide your child with additional support that your magical hug can’t offer alone.

Check out The Trevor Project. They offer crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ youth.

9. Reflect on your own beliefs and biases

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For many parents and grandparents from previous generations, it’s normal to have preconceived notions based on upbringing or societal influences of the time. 

Taking the time to reflect on and challenge these beliefs can help you become a more supportive parent. Engage in self-education and seek out resources that show diverse perspectives. You don’t have to be stuck as a ‘product of your generation’.

10. Prioritise your child's privacy

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It’s very important to respect your child’s privacy regarding their identity. Let them take the lead on who they wish to share their journey with, and when.

Make sure you have an open discussion about boundaries and agree on what information can be shared and with whom.

Wrapping it up

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As a parent, your unwavering support for your child is so critical for their mental health and overall happiness. 

By creating a nurturing and affirming home environment, you’re helping them build the confidence to embrace who they are. 

Remember, it’s okay to seek support for yourself as well. Connecting with other parents of LGBTQ+ children can help you be the best parent and person for your little (or not so little) one.

We need to push back against the wave of discrimination before us and fight for a world where every child feels loved, accepted, and free to be themselves.