The Unspoken Side of Fatherhood: Joel's Journey with Anxiety and Seeking Support

I always knew being a parent would be hard work, but I thought I had a good handle on what to expect. I work full-time, I’m studying psychology, I volunteer, and most importantly, I’m Dad to a spirited four-year-old girl who’s the centre of our world.

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My wife works part-time, and together we’d pictured a gentle start to parenthood. But nothing prepares you for the moment someone tells you your baby may be facing health complications.

When the worry began

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At our 20-week morphology scan, we learned our daughter had slow growth. It was the moment the floor shifted beneath me. When she was born, she had various medical complications. What followed was a blur of appointments, monitoring, and constant worry about her well-being.

I became hyper-focused on her oral intake and growth. My wife and I were exhausted and unsure what the future would hold. With limited leave, I often wasn’t home as much as I wanted to be, which left both of us overwhelmed. 

I didn’t realise it then, but anxiety had taken over, and I was spiralling.

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The invisible struggles of “seemingly OK” parents

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One of the hardest parts of those early months was how invisible our struggles felt. There was no counselling or psychological support offered, and only my wife ever got screened for depression and anxiety.

My turning point came when I finally confided in a relative who works in the mental health field. That honest conversation gave me the push I needed to book an appointment with my GP, who referred me to a psychologist.

Therapy helped me understand what I was experiencing and focus on what I could control, including my daily routine, sleep and exercise. I became more present and helpful with my wife and daughter.

Ironically, the experience brought unexpected positives. It strengthened my marriage and ultimately inspired me to pursue a career in psychology. Discovering PANDA’s resources helped me realise how many parents quietly struggle through this season. 

It made me want to speak up and advocate for dads.

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How I protect my mental health now

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These days, I regularly check in with my GP and see a psychologist when needed. I use online tools to help me recognise early signs of stress or anxiety. Early morning walks help clear my mind, and I’ve stopped feeling guilty about taking a break, whether that’s a day off work or a quiet night on the couch.

As a family, we make a conscious effort to take small trips and explore new places. Those experiences help us reconnect and reset.

For any parent feeling overwhelmed, here’s what I want you to know: Talk to someone you trust. A friend, a family member, your GP – just letting it out is often the first and biggest milestone. You don’t have to hold it all in.

And don’t hesitate to ask for support. I wish someone had pointed me to PANDA earlier. Their resources, checklists and Helpline exist for exactly these moments, and reaching out early can make an enormous difference. It’s the first step back toward feeling like yourself again.

Expert advice: What dads need to know about perinatal mental health

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By PANDA CEO and Clinical Psychologist Julie Borninkhof

How common is paternal depression?

More than many people realise. One in ten dads experiences anxiety or depression during the perinatal period. Yet fathers are often overlooked in the healthcare system.

In 2024–25, more than 8,000 parents reached out to the PANDA Helpline, connecting over 50,000 times for support through calls, texts and emails. But only 8% of callers were dads, despite 14% of PANDA’s online checklist users identifying as fathers or non-birth parents.

The anticipation of becoming a father can bring about a range of emotions, including excitement, joy, and apprehension. Too many parents reach the breaking point before reaching out. That needs to change. The earlier someone seeks support, the better the outcome for them, their families and their children.

Signs to watch for (in yourself or a partner):

Early warning signs can mirror general depression but often show up differently for mums and dads, depending on their roles and stressors. 

These signs include:

• Persistent sadness
• Irritability or mood swings
• Excessive anxiety
• Fatigue and sleep disturbances
• Appetite changes
• Feelings of guilt
• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide

How dads can seek support:

• Contact PANDA for free, confidential counselling and guidance
• Complete PANDA’s mental health checklist online
• Speak to your GP and ask about mental health support
• Lean on trusted friends or family members
• Prioritise rest, breaks, exercise and moments of connection

Anyone potentially having trouble coping during pregnancy or being a new parent can visit panda.org.au or call the PANDA Helpline on 1300 726 306 Monday to Friday, 9am – 7.30pm and Saturday 9am – 4pm (AEST/AEDT).

For information and resources about Perinatal Mental Health Week, visit panda.org.au/awareness/perinatal-mental-health-week

Written by Joel Taggart