Where are we at with bounce-back culture?
Where exactly are we with the idea of ‘bouncing back’ after having a baby? Physically, socially, mentally—even in terms of housework?
In my opinion, the pressure seems to have eased a little. Or perhaps women have simply decided to look at the concept and think, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll get to that when it suits me.”
Personally, I’m one of those women. I got to it when it suited me. Did I feel pressured? Both yes and no.
But if I were ever to have a third baby, with the benefit of hindsight, I’d tell myself: “Tori, don’t try to bounce back to where you came from. Bounce in the direction you want to head. You’ll like it more there. Trust me.”
The double standards
Women have it tough (to state the obvious). We grow, birth, and nurture a baby—all while learning the ropes on the fly. And yet, society seems to sit back waiting for us to ‘spring back’ into our pre-baby selves.
Back into the kitchen.
Back to doing the weekly online shop.
Back to soaking the whites, refilling the toilet rolls, and replenishing the milk and bread.
Oh, and let’s not forget physically fitting back into those pre-baby jeans.
While I say society is waiting, I do think we’ve made progress. Many of us understand there’s no rush because that can lead to serious consequences—depression, burnout, prolapse, incontinence, you name it.
But here’s the thing: those old expectations of what a ‘good mother’ looks like have etched themselves into our personal expectations. Many of us feel that bouncing back is achievable because, well, we’ve done it before.
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My own bounce-back stories
After the birth of my first son at 29, I was back at it in a matter of days. I was sending emails, shopping for black firm underwear at Target, and hanging out the washing.
Don’t get me wrong—my husband was a lifesaver. He took a few weeks off and picked up a massive chunk of the household load. But despite this, there I was, still doing more than I probably should have.
And I’m not alone. Many of us do this. Caring, managing, organising, nurturing—it’s in our DNA. Turning that part of ourselves off feels like going against the grain. There’s also a touch of pride, wouldn’t you agree?
Looking back, I realise I was on auto-pilot. At the time, I thought I was thriving despite the sleepless nights. But in reality, I was just going through the motions because it felt unnatural not to.
The second time around
Fast forward to my second birth, and it was a similar story. I came home just 10 hours after delivery and quickly returned to ‘life as I knew it.’
Within weeks, I was:
- Working in a paid capacity
- Doing the supermarket shop
- Running errands in the car
- Playing with my toddler
- Writing a book
Nuts, right? But at the time, it felt fine.
The media often talks about women bouncing back physically, but we rarely discuss how quickly women revert to their pre-baby to-do lists. Some of us snap back into action mode within days—or even hours—of giving birth. And while it might feel OK, is it actually OK?
The consequences of doing too much
The further I travel into motherhood, the more I lean towards saying no, it’s not OK. Because the fatigue catches up.
Recovering from my second birth was harder. My baby slept in 45–60 minute increments for four months, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease five months postpartum, and I resigned from a job I adored around the same time. It was an emotionally taxing period.
And yet, my to-do list still got done.
I didn’t rest my pelvic floor enough.
I didn’t ask for enough help with cooking or cleaning.
I probably returned to exercise too soon.
I even published a book—something that could have easily waited another six months.
Now, two years later, I’m paying the price:
- I’m back seeing a women’s health physio to regain pelvic floor strength.
- I’m ruminating on why I pushed myself so hard, which is draining in itself.
- I’m working to recalibrate my hormones after running on empty for far too long.
Lessons learned
I’m proud of the mother I am. I know I’m committed, loving, and thriving in the role. But I’m sharing this experience in the hopes that it might help someone else.
In simple terms, I bounced back because I could. My auto-pilot was on, and I resumed the role of ‘do-er.’ But behind the doing was a fractured foundation.
Like the analogy of the duck gliding gracefully on the surface while frantically paddling below the water, it worked at the time—but now, I’m paying the price.
If I could speak to my 32-year-old self after my second baby, I’d tell her:
- Take your time to smell the roses.
- Do what you need to do—but slow the pace between tasks.
- Amend your routine to suit your current situation, not your pre-baby one.
- Don’t bounce back to where you came from. Bounce towards where you want to go. You’ll like it more there. Trust me.
Where are we now with bounce-back culture?
I think we’re at a crossroads.
As individuals, we need to pause, look both ways, and choose the path of least resistance—the one that brings peace of mind, comfort, pride, and kindness. If halfway down that path we realise it’s not right, it’s OK to pivot.
You do you, I’ll do me, and we’ll meet when our kids are happily in school. We’ll high-five and toast with a glass of champagne. Sound good?
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