Having an extra pair of hands to help look after your child is a huge help, but handing over your child to be looked after by someone else can be stressful and challenging. Deciding on the best form of care for your children can also be an added worry. You might decide to go with a family member, a nanny/au pair or go with a daycare centre.
Whatever forms of care you choose, should always fit with your parenting standards and values, which will help you out when you are learning to trust them.
Here are some ways which can help create the bond you’re looking for with your baby’s new carer.
How you’re feeling is completely normal
Trust us, we know how scary and worrying it can be to leave your child with someone you may not know. The separation anxiety that you are experiencing can be two-fold, being away from your baby and also not yet fully trusting your carer. It takes time.
Take your time deciding
Before you decide on who you want to have look after your child, you should have multiple conversations with that person. Interview them (remember you are the one deciding), ask for recommendations and follow them up. Layout what your expectations are and what responsibilities they will have. Create a schedule that works for both parties (your carer will also have responsibilities of their own) and reiterate your parenting standards. Trust your gut here, you will get a pretty good idea early on if this is someone whose values are aligned with yours.
Communication is crucial
Having an open and safe space to talk with your carer can lessen some of your trust issues. Remind them of how stressful this situation is for you and that you want the best care for your child. Your carer will have more understanding of the weight of their responsibility to care for your babies. Be sure to allow your carer to discuss any issues they have with you, being defensive can be your first course of action but your carer may be able to see something you cannot see for yourself.
If you opt to go for a nanny or an au pair, detail exactly what you expect them to do from day one. Do not blame them if they have not cleaned around the house if it’s not in their job description to do so – but if that’s what you expect then make sure you have this discussion around expectations. Also, be realistic about your child’s behaviour, try and not find fault with your carer if there isn’t a legitimate reason for one.
Remember that no one will do things exactly as you do, and that’s ok. Give them time to find their feet and build up their own special bond with your little one.
Your child will feed off you
Trusting your child’s carer can help your child trust them as well. It is important you do not judge or talk-ill of any carers in front of your child. You child will learn valuable skills of adapting to different people, accents, or ways of doing things – this will help them transition more easily into school life.
Respect for both parties is also essential to ensure a positive atmosphere for your child. Your carer should respect you as much as you respect them, which will helps your child respect their new carer. The foundation for a good relationship with your carer is trust, understanding and communication. By learning to have all three, your child will be cared for the way you want.