When you’re pregnant you plan your nursery with a cute little change table, kitted out with nappies and wipes and lotions and creams. A change of clothes always in arms reach and you smile, thinking of how you’ll sing songs to your baby and look into their eyes and connect while you change their nappy.
Then you pop a cute little portable change mat in your nappy bag. We’ll use this when out and about. Too easy, right?
Well as anyone with little ones will tell you, when a poo explosion strikes there’s no time for change tables or formalities. And there’s definitely no time for singing songs. You need to change that nappy STAT.
And let’s just say there’s not always an optimal place to do that.
Every parent has a funny story. And we say funny because if you don’t laugh you’ll cry, right? But it’s usually not funny in the moment.
1. At a busy restaurant or pub
These days most places you go there is at least a dodgy fold-out change table. But every so often you go somewhere that has nothing. And it’s often a crowded restaurant or pub. And your choice is to brave the disgusting bathroom floor, try and balance them on your lap on the toilet or face the dreaded death stares from fellow patrons by doing it at your table.
2. Your childless friend’s house
You feel bad enough inflicting your child’s 💩 stench on your friends with kids, but there’s nothing more awkward than having to change your child’s nappy at your friend who doesn’t have kids’ house. The smell. Everything in their house is white. It’s a sure-fire way to never get invited back.
3. The boot of a car
This one is actually not that bad if you’re a seasoned professional (a.k.a 2-3 kids deep) and is actually quite practical. Still not ideal but better than on the ground on the side of the road or a disgusting public toilet. The backseat is also a great rainy-day option and even the hood on a nice day (providing it’s not hot of course). But be sure to keep the windows down and dispose of the dirty nappy so it doesn’t stink out your car!
4. At the beach
This one is to be avoided at all costs. No matter how careful you try to be, no matter how many towels you lay down and how still you try to convince your baby/toddler to remain. Sand will still get everywhere and will continue to be present in your baby’s nappy and around your home for the next 5-10 working days.
5. The aeroplane bathroom
This is a recipe for disaster. But at 30,000 ft you really have no choice but to grin and bear it. And pray that it’s clean (and doesn’t smell) when you get in there. And not to mention desperately hope that there’s no turbulence. At least you have a nice relaxing holiday on the other end of the flight, right? Ha.
6. An airport terminal
When you’re travelling and you’ve got lots of luggage it’s not always practical to grab everything and lug it to the nearest bathroom. Then you’ve got to squeeze it all in there with you somehow. And not to mention when you’re going through customs and there’s a huge long queue and you’re stuck (well when we used to be able to travel internationally, that is). So sometimes you’ve just got to prop the baby on top of the luggage trolley and go for it.
7. The dreaded portaloo
This one is much like the aeroplane toilet. It’s less than ideal, you’ll leave feeling dirty and needing a shower. And this is when you’re just using it for yourself, let alone trying to change a wriggly baby in there. But sometimes there is no choice and you’ve gotta do, what you’ve gotta do.
You’re desperately trying to quickly try some clothes on because you haven’t shopped since before the baby (and you’re still rocking your maternity jeans and nursing bras). But then you’re in the change room and you smell it and you just know what’s going down. The change room isn’t too bad a place actually, it could be worse. Sorry to the poor person who’s coming in there next…
9. The pram
The pram is less than ideal but actually one of the better options on this list! When they’re newborn in the bassinet you could change them anywhere and it’s actually pretty easy and discreet – hello middle of a supermarket aisle. Yep, we’ve seen it all. But then they move into the toddler seat and you have to bust out your Macgyver skills to manage a wriggly toddler with as little collateral damage (i.e. poo on the pram) as possible.
10. Literally anywhere
Basically, when that nappy has to be changed you’ll drop and do it wherever you are. Whether it’s the grass at the park, by the side of the road or the back of a taxi (if it’s an uber you can kiss your 5 star rating goodbye…) You just get it done.
When it comes to nappy changes with little ones it’s never exactly a walk in the park, and it definitely doesn’t smell like roses. And whilst it’s not always funny in the moment, these are the stories you’ll remember and the ones you’ll look back on and laugh about for years to come.
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