What If Birth Didn’t Have to Be Scary?

The first time I gave birth, I had a “go with the flow” attitude.

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I figured I had a decent pain threshold – I’ve got this. How hard could it really be? I thought I was prepared. I hired a well-known obstetrician. I packed the bag. I read just one book: What to Expect When You’re Expecting. I told myself I’d deal with things as they came.

But when I went into labour, what unfolded was a complete unravelling – not just of my body, but of unprocessed fear and unhealed trauma. It wasn’t birth trauma, not at first. I had never done this birth business before. But it awakened something deeper: unresolved childhood trauma that seeded the fear I carried into that hospital room.

A system that didn’t see me

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I was birthing in a system that wasn’t trained to see that, or support that. And everything that happened from there – disconnection, overwhelm, disempowerment – compounded into what did become birth trauma.

What happened in that room wasn’t just pain. It was fear, confusion, and the deep sense that I had stepped into something far bigger than anyone had warned me about. I left that experience not empowered, not transformed, but depleted. I felt like I had survived something I wasn’t sure I could ever face again.

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The weight of postpartum

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What followed was a postpartum period thick with anxiety and depression. I was weighed down in every sense of the word. In my mind, there was no question: there would be no second child.

And for a long time, that was the truth.

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A second chance – a different approach

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Years passed. The age gap between my first and second child is wide for that reason. But when I did become pregnant again, something in me knew I couldn’t do it the same way. I didn’t know what I needed yet, but I knew I needed something radically different.

What changed everything: hiring a doula

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A doula isn’t a magic fix or a guarantee of a perfect birth. What she offers is deeper: continuous, compassionate support. Someone who listens without judgment, helps you understand your choices, dismantles fear, and stays by your side – from beginning to end.

Having a doula didn’t erase my fear. But it gave me tools, and a voice. It reminded me I mattered. That I could meet birth on my own terms.

And I did.

A rebirth in birth

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Photo credit: Belle Verdiglione

I birthed my second daughter in what I now call my rebirth in birth. It wasn’t just about bringing her earthside. It was about reclaiming something I lost the first time. Something I never thought I could get back: the inner knowing that I am capable. That I am strong.

That moment changed everything for me. And if you’re reading this, maybe you’re hoping for that kind of shift too.

Birth isn’t something to ‘get through’

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You may have been told that birth is something to just “get through.” I’m here to say it’s something you can reclaim.

There’s not just one way to do it and you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’ve never walked this road before, or if your first experience left you shaken, it doesn’t mean you have failed. It means you deserved better support.

Redefining strength in birth

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You deserve to be held – not just physically, but emotionally and mentally – by people who believe in your strength without demanding that you prove it.

Too often, we’re told that strength means fearlessness. That to give birth well, you have to power through without flinching. But that’s a myth, and a damaging one.

You don’t need to be fearless to give birth. Fear might still be there. It can walk alongside you during birth. But if you’ve faced it before labour – if you’ve named it, worked with it, made space for it – it doesn’t get to run the show.

That’s the difference real preparation makes.

Reclaiming your power

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Not just knowing what to expect, but understanding how your mind and body respond. That’s where your power lives.

This isn’t about idealising birth or chasing a blissed-out fantasy. It’s about restoring your sense of agency, from the inside out. That starts with questioning the beliefs you’ve inherited about birth. Learning how fear lives in the body. Understanding your choices, your physiology, your power.

When you begin to see birth not as something to endure, but as something your body was built for, everything changes.

That kind of preparation – mental, emotional, physical – isn’t a promise of ease. But it is a reclamation of trust. In your body. In your instincts. In yourself.

When birth becomes yours

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And that’s when birth can be grounding. It can be powerful. And yes, it can be yours.

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Moran Liviani is a Birth Doula, Birth Boot Camp Class Facilitator, Lamaze Childbirth Educator, HypnoBirthing Practitioner and author of Birthing With Fear and Trauma.