When Your Child Asks for Their First Smartphone: What to Consider

It’s a modern parenting milestone: “Mum, can I have a phone?”

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Whether it’s for safety, fitting in, or staying connected with friends, the first smartphone opens a big conversation about responsibility… and timing. Rather than rushing to say yes, this is a great opportunity to pause, reflect and ask: Is this the right moment? Because more and more experts suggest that delaying access to a full smartphone can be a beneficial decision for your child’s wellbeing.

Why we’re pro‑waiting (and not just going with age)

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Rather than saying “as soon as you’re ___ years old”, we’re advocating for a more thoughtful pause. Here’s why:

Maturity matters far more than a number

While age is often used as a milestone, many experts say it’s far more about whether your child is ready to follow rules, handle online access and balance screen time.
In Australia the eSafety Commissioner emphasises that “parents are best placed to know when their child is ready for a smartphone and its associated risks — their level of maturity and critical reasoning skills may help determine this.”

Mental health concerns: the research says proceed with caution

A growing body of research links early smartphone or heavy device use in children with poorer mental health outcomes.

• A large Australian‑study of around 50,000 children found that mobile phone use at night combined with cyberbullying was significantly associated with disrupted sleep and psychological distress in children aged 7–19. Home
• A global study found children who got a smartphone before age 13 were more likely to report lower self‑worth, emotional instability and poorer wellbeing in early adulthood.
• Research published in The Lancet – Public Health concluded that smartphone and social media use are “plausibly associated with poorer mental health outcomes among adolescents … including increased risk of cyberbullying, unhealthy social comparisons, sleep disruption, and displacement of healthy behaviours.” The Lancet

While the evidence is still emerging (and not all is causal), when put together it suggests that handing over a full smartphone early can introduce risks to your child’s emotional wellbeing, sleep quality and social development. 

So: waiting isn’t about being strict – It’s about setting them up for success

Choosing to wait gives your child extra time to develop self‑regulation, clear communication skills, awareness of online risks, and capacity to negotiate screen time with you. It also gives your family more time to establish tech habits, rules and routines.

We understand the realities of the modern age, and being able to be in contact with your child as they develop more independence and freedom is important, so it’s not a simple decision. 

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What to consider before you say yes

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(When you feel your child is ready — or you’re moving towards that point.)

Maturity over age

• Does your child reliably follow household rules (screen time, chores, staying home alone)?
• Can they manage online interactions responsibly (friends, texts, content)?
• Have you had open conversations about what being online means (sharing, privacy, contact)?

If yes, you might be closer to “ready”.

Digital safety: more than just a password

Handing over a smartphone is more than handing over hardware… it introduces access to apps, contacts, content and connectivity.

• The eSafety guidance highlights that “parental controls … help keep children and young people safer online… but they are most effective when used alongside supervision and other online safety strategies.”
• Together set up: privacy settings, permitted apps, contact lists, location sharing (if any), usage times, and a shared conversation about what’s OK to share.
• Frame it as a partnership: “We’ll explore this together. I’ll help you navigate it and we’ll check in regularly.”

Family tech agreement: your mutual contract

Once you do go down the path of getting a phone for your kids, creating a simple co‑designed family tech agreement can give clarity, boundaries and review points.

Include:

• When the phone is used (after homework? only on weekends?).
• Where (not in bedrooms overnight? At dinner time? Outside?).
• How (which apps, real‑life vs online friend time, screen time limits).
• What happens if rules aren’t followed (review meeting, restricted access).
• A regular check‑in: once a month or every school term, ask “how’s it going?”, “any problems?”, “what would we change?”

This sets up the phone as a privilege not a right, and supports your decision to wait a bit longer, if needed.

Offline balance: keep life richer than the screen

One of the hallmarks of healthy tech use is a strong offline rhythm.

• Encourage device‑free times: at dinner, during outdoor time, in the bedroom overnight.
• Prioritise face‑to‑face play, outdoor time, hobbies, sports, shared family activity.
• Model the behaviour yourself: if you’re frequently on your phone, your child will mirror that.

According to research from Deakin University, increased unsupervised screen use in young children was linked to reduced wellbeing… but joint media use (parents and kids together) and limits on solo use helped.

This reinforces the message: a phone is a tool, not the centre of life.

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Alternatives: “Dumb phone” or smart‑watch until you're ready

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If you’re still feeling uncertain about a full smartphone, here are sensible alternatives:

Basic “dumb phone”

These are phones with call/text capability but no (or limited) apps, internet browser or access to social media. Think about your old Nokia brick phone (with built-in Snake game).
Benefits:

• Keeps your child reachable for safety, but limits exposure to the 24/7 connectivity of a smartphone.
• Reduces distractions, social media pressures and excessive notifications.
• Encourages face‑to‑face communication and basic responsibility before full connectivity.

The Australian site WaitMate notes that “the growing interest in dumb phones and kid‑friendly smartwatches highlights a desire for simpler, more focused lives … Whether for privacy, safety or reduced distractions, these devices provide a viable option.”
Of course, a dumb phone isn’t a magic wand. It still needs rules and monitoring.

 

Kid‑friendly smart‑watch

These devices often include GPS tracking, SOS features, parent‑approved contact lists, sometimes voice/text capability… but far less scope for apps, open internet or social media.
For example, SafeWise Australia lists a number of kids’ smartwatches with features to support safety and tracking rather than full social connection.
Pros: Useful for safety and gradual independence.
Cons: They still involve screen/device habits and need rules… and “watch that says you’re safe” is not the same as “smartphone with full social world”.

Why these alternatives support the “wait” strategy

Using a dumb phone or smart‑watch bridges the gap: your child gets connection and responsibility, while you hold off giving full access until you’re confident they’re ready. It removes the “everyone else has a smartphone so why not me” pressure and lets you introduce independence in stages.

Australian guidance worth remembering

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• The eSafety Commissioner suggests for younger children: “It may be best to start with a mobile phone without internet access and only introduce a smartphone when they demonstrate an appropriate level of maturity.”
• Broader policy in Australia is also moving: new research and commentary argue that children under 13 are at higher risk of harms from early smartphone use. 

So your decision to wait aligns with the direction of both research and policy.

Wrapping Up

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If your child asks “Can I have a phone?”, you’re already doing an awesome job by pausing to think it through. This isn’t about depriving them or being the ‘strict parent’ –  it’s about protecting their wellbeing and giving them the best launchpad for digital life. Waiting a little longer, using a dumb phone or smart‑watch as a stepping stone, and building maturity, rules and balance first will likely pay off in the long run.

When you do give a smartphone, you’ll be doing more than handing over a device – you’ll be handing them trust, guidance and a clearer path to using the phone responsibly. And until then, you’re helping them stay kids a little longer, while setting up for success.