I paused my career for motherhood - now I’m wondering who I am
Some days, weeks, or months just feel tougher than others. Something shifts - maybe a chemical change in the brain or a life event - and suddenly, you’re left feeling low, unravelled, and lost. It’s unsettling. It’s uncomfortable. And it’s scary.
Lately, that’s been me. I’ve had a few teary weeks of questioning: Who am I? What am I good at? What is my purpose? When the kids are at daycare or school – what do I do? Where do I go? Who do I see? Where do I fit in?
When I sat down to write this week, I thought about covering parenting topics. But being honest about this personal hiccup felt more important – because I know I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes. If this resonates with you, I’m here with you.
Asking the big questions
I’ve gone to my GP, shed a few tears, and checked my hormones, thyroid, and everything in between. While waiting for results, I’ve been reflecting: What’s causing this? Have I been forgetting my meds? Is it exhaustion? Or am I ignoring something I hoped would resolve itself?
What am I sad about? What am I scared of? Why am I suddenly questioning myself?
These are big questions, and it’s important to face them when you’re feeling off.
In my case, I think it’s an unexpected mental health stumble. But at the heart of it all is this deep sense of not knowing who I am outside of being a mum.
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Rediscovering myself
Like many parents, I stepped away from a full-time career after my second child was born. At the time, it was the right decision. But so much of my drive and identity was wrapped up in work – work I loved. Leaving it behind has left me asking, “Where to now?”
For a while, the answer was obvious: my kids. But now that they’re not in my care full-time, I’m left wondering: Who am I beyond the role of Mum?
Parenthood is all-consuming, and it’s easy to lose yourself in the process. But stepping outside that role can feel just as disorienting—like the world has shifted and you’re not sure where you belong.
What’s helping me
If you’re feeling the same way, here are some steps I’ve been taking to feel better:
1. Confide in someone you trust
Talk to someone close – whether it’s a friend, your partner, or even your physio. I’ve had big cries with a couple of close friends and my physio.
Sometimes I don’t go into the details because my energy doesn’t stretch that far, but even just saying, “I’m feeling down and lost,” can feel like a release. Letting the words out can have a profound effect.
I almost instantly feel my chest expand as though it has more oxygen.
You don’t need to ask for help – just time and ears.
2. See your GP
I can’t stress enough how important your GP is. Let them know how you’re feeling, and if you’re up to it, cry if you need. I ask them to check my bloods for things like hormones, iron, and thyroid levels. Even if the results come back normal, this process helps in two ways:
- It gives you peace of mind that nothing underlying is wrong.
- It makes you feel productive – something low moods often take from you first.
3. Take time off
If it’s available to you, take a day or two off work. This gives you space to lean into the discomfort, cry if you need to, and process everything. Someone recently told me, “Treat this like the flu – let your body rest and recover.” That advice stuck with me.
4. Get natural light
Sunlight helps boost serotonin by stimulating your body’s circadian rhythm. Just 15–20 minutes in natural light (with SPF!) can do wonders. Your body converts UV rays into vitamin D, which can further boost serotonin production.
5. Move your body
Even a small amount of movement can release endorphins, your body’s natural feel-good hormones. Brisk walks with a lighthearted podcast or happy music, yoga, swimming, or even a jog – whatever feels right for you.
For me, cardio produces a much stronger endorphin high, so I’ve swapped pilates for spin classes. But the goal isn’t to push yourself into discomfort – it’s to move in a way that makes you feel good.
6. Focus on gut health
Probiotics, fermented foods, and a clean diet can have a significant impact on your mental health. The gut and mind are closely connected – have you ever noticed your digestion changes when you’re anxious?
7. Avoid too much alcohol
A clean diet and limiting alcohol go a long way. Hangovers and guilt won’t help you feel better.
8. Stay present
This one is tough, but it helps. When I catch myself spiralling into future worries, I remind myself to look at what’s right in front of me. It takes self-talk and practice, but it’s worth it.
You’re not alone
If you’re going through something similar, know this: it’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. Life can feel overwhelming, but these tough times will pass.
Be kind to yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Brighter days are ahead.
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