Adolescence: Another reason to rethink giving your kid a phone

Like many parents, I sat down to watch Adolescence on Netflix and felt my heart sink. It’s raw. Uncomfortable. Heartbreaking. And yet, it’s exactly the wake-up call we need. Because if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve seen this coming.

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What’s most confronting about Adolescence is realising that if the main character hadn’t had unfiltered access to a smartphone, the story might have ended very differently. 

The series doesn’t shy away from showing how easily boys are being radicalised online. They’re fed a steady stream of hypermasculine, misogynistic, and incel content that distorts their view of women, relationships, and even their own sense of identity.

It’s chilling to consider that without that digital gateway, the girl at the heart of the story might still be alive. Of course, mobile phones aren’t the sole reason this tragedy occurred, but we can’t ignore their role. 

When we hand over a smartphone, we’re handing over a portal to an entire world we can’t fully monitor. In some cases, that world can quietly, dangerously shape our kids before we even realise it.

As a mum of a neurodiverse tween, I’m no stranger to the battles that come with too much screen time –  increased impulsivity, mood swings, and attention challenges. I’ve read the research. I’ve lived it. I’ve watched how screen time and devices seem to dial everything up to eleven – big emotions, short fuses, constant distractions. 

Now, at just ten years old, my daughter is already feeling left behind because “everyone else” has a smartphone.

In Year 5. Ten years old.

And she’s not wrong. Phones are turning up in backpacks earlier and earlier, often without any real necessity. I get that for some families, there’s a genuine logistical need. But even then, we have options: dumb phones, smart watches, basic trackers. We can stay connected without opening the door to the wild, unfiltered world that lives in their pocket.

So why are we doing it?

Why are we, the grown-ups in the room, handing over devices that expose our kids to a tidal wave of content they’re not ready for? Content that shapes how they see themselves, how they relate to others,  and in many cases, content that is misogynistic, hyper-masculine, and completely out of touch with the values we’re trying to teach at home.

Adolescence doesn’t sugar-coat it. The series makes it painfully clear how deeply some of our boys and young men have been influenced by social media figures who preach dominance, objectification, and emotional repression. We’re watching an entire generation wrestle with identity and belonging in a digital landscape that rewards extremity and punishes vulnerability.

And still, we hesitate to say no to phones.

I understand it. No one wants their child to be left out or the only one without access to group chats or digital birthday invites. I’ve heard the anxiety in the voices of parents around me: “I don’t want them to be the odd one out,” “What if something happens and they can’t contact me?” 

But here’s the thing: the fear of missing out is real, for us as much as our kids, and it’s driving decisions we’ll later wish we made differently.

Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation couldn’t have come at a more important time. He makes a powerful case: when we swapped a play-based childhood for a phone-based one, we made a massive trade-off. 

One that’s now playing out in rising rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness among our kids.

And Australia’s not immune.

The Australian Psychological Society recently reported that more than 40% of Aussie teens are experiencing mental health distress. That’s nearly one in two. Add to that a 70% increase in hospitalisations for self-harm among girls aged 15–19 over the past decade, and it’s painfully clear that something isn’t working.

While it’s reassuring to see the Australian Government actively trying to push through world-leading legislation to limit childhood access to social media, it alone won’t address the issue. 

So what do we do?

We do the hard thing. The brave thing. The grown-up thing.

We say no to smartphones – for now. We delay. We push back collectively. When we all take a stand, it becomes easier for each of us.

I know it’s not always that simple. So here are a few practical steps that can help:

1. Find your people

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Start conversations with other like-minded parents. Ask if they’d consider waiting too. When you know you’re not the only one, it’s much easier to hold the line.

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2. Use tech without the internet

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If communication is your main concern, try a basic flip phone or a smartwatch with calling capabilities. There are plenty of screen-free options that still keep your child connected. Try a Spacetalk or KidsOclock watch. Or opt for something like a Nokia 3210 or Nokia 2660 Flip Phone, which come in a range of fun kid-friendly colours, but have no internet or smartphone capabilities.

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3. Talk to your kids about why

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It’s not about punishment – it’s about protection. Be honest about the risks. Help them understand that you’re not saying “no” forever, just “not yet.” 

4. Partner with your school

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Encourage your school to adopt smartphone-free policies during the day (and even better, at school events). When it becomes the norm, there’s less pressure on any one child or family. 

Most NSW public schools already adopt this policy, but there is still room for improvement. 

5. Be the example

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Show your kids what healthy screen habits look like. Keep devices out of bedrooms to allow closer supervision and prevent access to harmful content. Prioritise family connection. And admit it when you get it wrong too – we’re all learning.

Wrapping it up

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I truly believe that if more of us chose to delay access, we could shift the whole culture around this. 

Imagine if it were normal not to have a smartphone until high school. Imagine if our kids spent more time riding bikes, kicking balls, and building cubby houses instead of scrolling, swiping, and comparing themselves to carefully curated versions of reality.

We’re not going to change the tide overnight. But we can start by holding our ground, backing each other up, and doing what we know is right – even when it’s uncomfortable.

So yes, Adolescence is a tough watch. But maybe that discomfort is the point. Maybe it’s the nudge we all needed.

We have a choice. We can look away, or we can do something.

And doing something might just save a generation.

If this story has resonated with you, please share it with your parenting networks and check out https://www.waitmate.org.au/ .