As an autistic mum of a child with autism, I am often asked by other parents, “Do you think my child is on the spectrum?” Typically, parents asking this question may already have some concerns or inklings about their child.

The struggle with determining whether your toddler may be autistic/neurodivergent is two-fold: first, many signs of autism appear in typical toddler behaviours and two, we now know that autism presents in a much broader spectrum of ways than previously understood. While there are general signs to look out for, it’s important that you seek a professional opinion with an autism-affirming provider if you feel your child may need additional support. Many providers view autism as a problem to be solved. Autism in itself is not an illness or disease. Finding a provider who views neurodiversity in a positive light will help you identify and learn about your child’s potentially autistic brain in a more expansive and healthy way.

Diagnosing autism

The autism community has spoken out more and more about why diagnosis is important to autistic individuals. Being autistic is not in itself a problem to be solved. However, autistic people move through and experience the world differently. If your toddler is exhibiting signs of autism, seeking a professional’s help is important to gain a better understanding of your child’s specific nervous system and needs. From there, you can determine what support would be helpful for your child’s particular presentation of autism.

No two autistic people present in the exact same way which makes it challenging to determine whether your particular child is autistic. Especially in toddlerhood where social skills, language, and behaviour are constantly shifting and often appear “atypical.”

Autism also presents much differently in males than females. Typical autism evaluations are based upon old criteria that were developed by studying young males. Consequently, a lot of what we look for doesn’t apply to females on the spectrum. It’s important to keep this in mind if you suspect your female toddler is autistic.

Additionally, we now know that there is a different profile of autism called Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). This profile presents quite differently than other types of autism and is often missed as a result. It occurs equally as often in males and females.

Signs of autism in toddlers

As mentioned above, autism can present in a huge spectrum of ways and the signs can shift depending on the environment, how regulated your child is feeling, and whether their needs are being met. For instance, my autistic daughter often presents much more typically if she is well-rested and has had her sensory “cup” filled. If her needs aren’t met, she is more prone to meltdown and not being able to tolerate clothes and sounds. This is why we call it a spectrum.

The signs are a moving target and may shift from one day to the next based on all of the environmental factors. If you have concerns, it’s helpful to keep a log so you can determine whether there are patterns around when certain behaviours ramp up.

Also, an important note: not all of these signs will be present in all toddlers. My daughter makes eye contact unless extremely dysregulated. She engages in social speech and imaginative play. She would never have been diagnosed if I was looking for her to tick all of the boxes on a generic autism checklist.

So, what are the signs of autism in toddlers?

Let’s start with social skills. Social interactions can be overwhelming for autistic folks and especially, for autistic toddlers. The amount of sensory input combined with social norms that may not make sense to an autistic toddler can lead to behaviours like:

There are certain behaviours that we associate with autism and they are often framed as “red flags” or problematic. It’s important to reframe this and understand that these behaviours are adaptive ways that an autistic toddler is coping with nervous system dysregulation. These behaviours are not an issue by themselves. They can be good clues into your child’s level of felt safety and can help guide you toward an autism diagnosis.

These behaviours include:

Most autistic toddlers will not exhibit every single one of these signs. Often, autistic children are missed or don’t get a diagnosis until much later in life because society as a whole has determined that autism looks a certain way or presents only in extremes. A lot of these behaviors can also be attributed to Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Autism, SPD, ADD and ADHD all have some overlap in the way they present. If you feel your child is struggling, there are lots of resources and tools to help your child function and thrive with their uniquely wired brain.

It can be overwhelming at first, but having an autistic child does not mean your child is flawed, bad, or disordered. If you are seeing signs of autism in your toddler, the may have a unique nervous system and process the world in a different way. Finding professionals who view autism through this lens is vital in your journey toward understanding your toddler’s unique behaviors and how you can help them thrive in a neurotypical world.

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